


Quality Time

by Rakyuu (colossalEgo)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3373523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colossalEgo/pseuds/Rakyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been far too long since Kaneki spent time with Hide not surrounded by paranoia.  Enough was enough. He wanted the carefree times back, but there was only one way. He had to tell Hide the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Light

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this is a fic I wrote for myself... gdi Kaneki why didn't you just tell Hide? Q_Q I'm planning on writing more parts later on.

Kaneki’s entire body felt stiff as he stared at his hands in preparation of his confession. The thought of losing his dearest person made his stomach turn and bile rise, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He missed his friend more than anything. The times that the two spent together used to feel leisurely, but now there was always a voice in the back of his head reminding that Hide had to stay away. Touka only fueled the feeling when she said that Hide would die if he were to ever find out. Well, it’s not like Touka knew what he did in his private time so she wouldn’t know what he was about to do.

The warm sunlight filtered through the cafe’s window creating a pleasant environment. The place itself was barely crowded due to the time of day. Kaneki had specifically chosen to sit in the back corner around this time for as much privacy possible.

The waitress came by to give them their drinks. Kaneki glanced up at Hide as he dragged his coffee close. Before the two had sat down the conversation flowed naturally, but now he felt like he was struggling to pick words. “I…”

Hide perked up when Kaneki finally spoke. He gave the other a moment before deciding to push along the conversation. “So… How’ve you been? Been a while since we’ve actually spent some time together like this.” He gave Kaneki a pout, “Its been so lonely you can’t even imagine. ”

Kaneki managed to give him a weak smile before looking down at his drink. Hide’s words had more than enough truth, but the encompassing fear always followed Kaneki around. Was it so bad for him to want Hide to know? The possibility of a human accepting a ghoul has already been presented to him. So maybe... A silent whisper warned him that his friend would leave him forever. All alone; it was his fate. It is what he would get for being selfish.

The sound of paper tearing snapped Kaneki out of his thoughts.

“A bit bitter,” Hide mused as he poured the packet, “Not as bitter as yours though. You’re not trying to be too macho in front of me by drinking it black are you?”

“That’s…” A pause. “I… That is…” His hand started to shake and he clenched it into a fist in attempt to calm himself down. “It’s pretty good to me.”

Hide took another drink of his cappuccino, finding it to be just right. The cup clinked as it came into contact with the plate. “What is it Kaneki? You know you can tell me anything.”

That’s right, Hide is his best friend. He shouldn’t be so scared of confessing the truth. He’d hate him though. Think of him as a monster. Kaneki’s shoulders started to lightly shake. His conscience continued berating him as a tightness began to envelope his chest. He fidgeted with his shirt in a vain attempt to alleviate the pressure.

But Hide was always there for him. From the time when he was a lonesome kid reading books to the time when he was hospitalized. When his mother died and he thought there was no point in living his best friend was there. Hide had always been there to distract him from the pain, to make another day worth seeing. Hide was…!

A searing pain erupted on his hands, immediately snapping out of his thoughts. Cold sweat trickled down his brow as he glanced at the broken cup in his hands. Robotically, he let go and watched it crumble. He couldn’t help but think of himself.

A napkin was pressed onto his hands and dabbed down in order to absorb the moisture. Kaneki looked up as Hide concentrated on his hands. “Kaneki… if it’s something that’s eating you up this much… it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. Just let me help you in anyway I can.”

Tears welled up in Kaneki’s eyes. That’s right.... Hide is his most precious friend.

“Hide…” He choked as he tried speaking, “It’s not that simple.”

His friend gave him a soft smile. “Whatever it is, I’m always going to be there. If you run away, I’ll find you no matter what it takes.”

Even with the thin cloth in between their hands, Kaneki could feel the warmth radiating from his hands. The comforting presence helped him calm down but it didn’t stop the tears from slipping down his cheeks. His head drooped down as he decided. This was it; the moment when he ruined his already fucked up life even more.

“I’m a g-ghoul,” his voice hushed immediately at the dreaded word, “ever since I was hospitalized.”

The silence that immediately followed made Kaneki feel bare, like his entire soul was exposed for the world to pick apart. A tightness in the back of his throat came full force as he bit his bottom lip. The vision of their still joined hands became blurrier by the passing second as more warm tears dripped down his cheeks. His hands started to shake once more and he tried to retract them.

What he didn’t expect was for Hide to firmly hold on. Why wasn’t Hide pulling away and calling him a monster? He clenched his eyes as he let out a strangled sob. It was over. There was no way he could be accepted.

Hide’s voice was quiet when he finally spoke. “I’m glad…”

As soon as those words were declared his heart fluttered. Kaneki snapped his head up at Hide, stomach twisting into knots yet his chest felt light. His friend was.... smiling? Where was the frown and judging stare that should’ve been there. He should have been feeling the exact opposite of hope.

“I’m glad that you finally told me.”

Huh?

“That is, I’ve known for a while. Ever since that incident with Nishio…” He gave a small squeeze before lifting the napkin. Kaneki wanted nothing more than to have that warm contact back. “It would also explain why you didn’t cut your hands on the cup.”

“Y-You knew? For that long… and you still…” Kaneki clenched his teeth as he fiercely rubbed his eyes.

Hide chuckled lightly, “I wanted you to be okay with yourself before telling me. I didn’t want to make you feel like you were cornered into admitting something you weren’t ready for.”

Kaneki continued to rub his eyes and kept his face hidden from Hide when the waitress came by. He let his friend take care of the situation. It was still so hard to believe that everything would be so simple. Who was to say that this wasn’t all a joke? Kaneki felt elated, but dread was still creeping around the corners. What if he did or said something that would drive Hide away. Maybe if he saw how much of a ghoul he really was the other would reconsider his words.

“You still could’ve hung out with me you know!” Hide crossed his arms as he playfully chided him.

For the final time Kaneki rubbed his eyes and sniffed slightly. Maybe everything was going to be okay. A new cup filled to the brim with black coffee sat in front of him. A small, relieved smile touched his lips. Maybe he didn’t have to be as broken as the previous cup. With the way Hide quickly accepted his words, perhaps he was the one torturing his own conscious. Hide was his friend who would never judge. A friend that would always be there for him.

“Sorry, I thought that spending too much time with you would…” Kaneki gently grabbed the handle, “that you would…” The last few words were left unsaid as he took a gulp. The warm liquid soothed the ache in his throat as it slid down. A refreshed feeling overtook his body as he looked at Hide. A fuzzy kind of warmth that he had never experienced before began to bubble up in his chest. Words flowed out of his mouth before he had time to process any of them, “Hide, you are irreplaceable.”

Hide blinked in confusion at the sudden confession before sheepishly looking away while Kaneki, shocked at his own words, looked down at his cup in bewilderment. A slight blush crept up both of their cheeks. “It’s good to know that you feel that way. For a while I thought you were done being my friend.”

Kaneki earnestly shook his head at the words. That was the last thing he had wanted the other to believe. A light laugh escaped his lips, “Hearing you say that gives me a vile taste. I’m sorry though. For the way I’ve been acting.” He paused, his shoulders drooped and eyes casted downward. “For everything.”

Sparkles shined in Hide’s eyes as he clasped Kaneki’s shoulders, effectively startling him. “Then to make it up, you’ll have to spend an entire day with me! No excuses this time!”

Kaneki, in turn, gave him a credulous stare. That was way too simple of a request for all the times he had blown Hide off. He sighed and gave him a soft smile. “Alright. Tell me the day so I can request some time off.”

Hide brought his hand up to his cheek in thought. “Well, I am quite busy during most of this week. I’ll have to see what my schedule will be like for the next one. I’ll make sure to clear a specific day.”

“Sounds good, let me know when.” Kaneki took another drink of his coffee, finding it tasting much better than he initially thought. Meanwhile, Hide boisterously celebrated the fact that the two will be spending time together again. The waitress gave Hide a wary glance from his sudden rowdiness.

 _“… the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being,_ ” he internally reflected, the words by Jung perfectly illustrated his most beloved person, Hideyoshi Nagachika.


	2. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide PoV, more acceptance!! Finally school is over and I can focus on fan fiction.

Hide grinned to himself, humming a whimsical song underneath his breath as his fingers pressed the button to dispense a drink. Hot black coffee for Kaneki, and a hot chocolate drink for himself. Ever since Kaneki had finally decided to admit what he had become, their relationship was slowly turning back to normal. No longer was Kaneki shutting him out from his life and trying to grasp for excuses.

The crisp cold night air intensified how hot the drinks felt against his hands. Winter was finally starting to roll in. Hide brought both of the drinks to his cheeks as he made his way back towards Kaneki, enjoying the much needed heat. In the distance, his friend had wrapped his arms around himself. Occasionally attempting to stave off the cold by blowing warm air into his hands.

“Kaneki!” He sang out his name, his breath visible, “I’m ready to get going!”

It was a late night for Hide, but he had to stay back and help his classmates with the upcoming festivals. With a little pestering, he was able to convince Kaneki to wait for him. His friend was none too enthused about staying at school for such a long time, but was convinced when Hide mentioned how he could get a vast majority of his worked done.

Kaneki shivered as he turned around. “Finally, I thought I was going to turn into an icicle waiting for you.”

A drink was quickly tossed his way before he could comment on the way they were held. Hide opened the can with a satisfying pop and quickly took a big gulp. “Ah, nothing like a nice, warm drink after a long day of work.”

Kaneki followed suit and the two began their walk home. Luckily, the two of them lived in the same general direction. “I didn’t expect for you to take _that_ long.” A small sigh escaped his lips, “I had enough time to check over my essay five times.”

Hide grinned and laughed to himself. “C’mon, it wasn’t that bad! Today was just a lot of planning and different ideas being thrown around. We had to figure out how expensive all the different types of materials were gonna be.”

He peeked over at Kaneki’s book bag before continuing, “Besides, you were in a library. I can’t imagine you being too bored the entire time.”

Kaneki mused at the thought before taking a big gulp of his drink. Hide smiled at the adorable content demeanor that spread through his body. Kaneki gave a quiet laugh, he couldn’t hide the fact that his friend was right. “Yeah, I did read up on a few things while I was waiting on you.”

Not finding the answer acceptable, he bumped his shoulder against Kaneki’s. “Well, what did you read up on?”

The other bounced slightly from the sudden bump, immediately coming back close. Closer than the two were initially, Hide noted. Which he didn’t mind at all, it was warmer this way. “I was reading up on different fighting techniques. It’s not fun getting bruised all the time.” Kaneki gripped his can tightly, his expression vibrated with determination. “Soon, I will be the one who’s going to be leaving bruises.”

Hide guffawed at the phrasing. “Woah Kaneki! Didn’t know you were into that.”

Kaneki rolled his eyes as he gave Hide a rough shove. “Obviously not like that.”

Even though Kaneki generally tip toed around the subject of being a ghoul, Hide was able to gather enough information. CCG Investigators and other ghouls were a big threat to Kaneki, but luckily he was able to find the friendly group of Anteiku. At first it bummed Hide out knowing he couldn’t properly thank the ghouls for helping his friend out when he couldn’t. Later, he learned to accept the fact that even him knowing the secret could jeopardize him. The last thing he wanted was for Kaneki to worry over one more extra thing.

With the way Kaneki tensed and tried to avoid certain dialogues, he was able to deduce that the main reason was because of Touka. Up front, the girl didn’t seem all too bad, a bit on the aggressive side. But the small tidbits that he heard from Kaneki quickly changed his mind. Her attitude was almost humorous if it didn’t pressure his friend so much.

“You should show me some of those sweet karate moves you must be picking up on.” To exaggerate, he gave a swift motion of his arm. “Just not on me though. I can’t have my beautiful self in shambles.”

“Maybe it’ll do you some good if I give you a swift blow to the head.” Kaneki pretended to muse thoughtfully as he stared at the other.

Hide’s face paled a little. “No way, I’m fine just the way I am!”

Kaneki pressed his half empty drink against Hide’s cheek, rolling it slightly from side to side. The now warm metal smooshed against his cheek. “Says the guy who thinks it’s acceptable to yell how pretty a stranger is down the street.”

A new aspect was added to their friendship after Kaneki had confessed. Shortly afterwards, Hide had noted how he had become a little bit more affectionate. Before, the two were obviously close, but now it had evolved into a more physical level. Soft yet quick touches were not unheard of. Instead of using his voice to get attention, Kaneki would grab onto Hide, giving him tugs and the hand would linger.

Even with the new developments, those weren’t what struck Hide the hardest. The moments were few and far in between, but sometimes Kaneki would have the most adoring look across his face when the two spent time together. It was a look that made him quickly forget what he was talking about, and the tell tale sign of a blush creep up his cheeks. Hide vaguely wondered if Kaneki realized he was throwing him almost the same type of dreamy eyed look when Rize was around.

Hide placed his hand on top Kaneki’s, causing him to continue pressing the lukewarm drink against his cheek. “Kaneki, if you’re gonna try to warm up my face, at least have a warmer drink.”

“Out of all the things you were worried about, that was the one?” Kaneki chided playfully, not removing his hand.

The top of Kaneki’s hand was cool to the touch, Hide noted and wondered how warm the other side must’ve been.

“Yeah, you steal all the warmth for yourself and leave none for me.” He said with a pout.

A warm, delicate smile spread across Kaneki’s face. “You gave me the warmth in the first place so don’t blame me for hogging it all.”

Hide felt his heart thump a little stronger at the line, and for once was thankful that the cold air had already caused his face to be red. It wasn’t fair how Kaneki could look at him so blissfully and still be unaware of how he was coming off. Without a doubt, the double meaning was intentional this time around.

He could wrap his arm around Kaneki’s torso and pull him in closer. The flimsy excuse of it being warmer this way would have suffice. Hell, Kaneki would definitely see through it, but Hide was sure that the other would tag along with it. The two didn’t have to leap through hoops to excuse more intimate touches.

Kaneki finally pulled his coffee away in order to take a drink. The satisfaction on his face was impossible to miss. Hide took the opportunity to move his arm to wrap around Kaneki, he could feel his lips moving to jokingly say that this way they’ll be warm together, but the sound died as soon as he saw a dark red _thing_ penetrating Kaneki’s side.

It took a second before the other looked down in realization of what happened before he was violently swung away from Hide. The sudden cold of the night’s air assaulted his side as he whipped around to find himself staring down a masked ghoul.

Only one limb protruded from the backside of the ghoul. Without a doubt, that was a Bikaku. Balanced, sturdy, easy to use. Kaneki was tossed somewhere, his body must’ve been cluttered up underneath broken wood. A good thing he was forgotten. He was the one who knew how to fight.

Hide’s grip on his drink tightened, denting the metal. All he had to do was survive until Kaneki got his bearing. It looked like the enemy ghoul had taken him completely out of the equation. The surging arrogance and pride was present in every step he took as he came closer to Hide.

“The other guy looked like some sort of villager one NPC,” the ghoul mused as soon as Hide was in hearing range and shivered. “Such disgusting plain meat.”

“But you… Ah, the spark of your blond hair! The swivel of confidence and stare of calculation, you must be the main character!” He jeered.

Hide gritted his teeth, just a little more until the ghoul was in a guaranteed hit range by throwing the can. Luckily for him, it was the type that liked to gloat. As the ghoul made his way on over, Hide noticed that Kaneki was finally starting to gather himself.

“Take this, you dumb ghoul!” Hide proclaimed and chucked. Miraculously, he had hit the ghoul where he had intended to, right between the eyes. Without wasting a second, he sprinted his way over so that the ghoul’s back was towards Kaneki, and jeered at him.

The ghoul found this all too amusing, rubbing his eyes before leering. “Such spunk! As expected of the main character! But sadly, this isn’t a story you can win.”

Hide helplessly glanced over at Kaneki, who was staring at the scene in mortification. Was this the same look he had when Nishiki had thrown his body? Did his body shake in the same way as well? It wasn’t the threatening ghoul which made Hide’s spine shiver and eyes widen in fright, but the downright hostile glare Kaneki’s face morphed into. The expression suited the aggressive leap he had made as his kagune -- Rinkaku -- ripped open from his back.

There were four Hide had counted as he turned his attention to the ghoul in front of him. Time felt like it had stopped when he noticed the ghoul was attempting to strike him. At the last second he was able to gather enough distance with a side step so only his side was grazed. Blood gushed out and he had lost his balance. With a painful thud, his body collided against concrete. Extreme pain quickly enveloped him from both sides. He hadn’t realized that he was already screaming in pain as his hand grabbed onto his bleeding side.

The adrenaline rushing through his veins muted the pain to enough of a degree where he was able to push himself up into a sitting position. In worry he forced his eyes to open, to make sure he knew Kaneki was okay. Hide hadn’t realized how strongly he was gritting his teeth until he felt his jaw slack at what he was witnessing.

Kaneki, his friend who was just giving a dopey expression, stood atop of the ghoul. The surprise attack had clearly given him the upper hand, he had already won the domination. No, just a simple victory wasn’t enough. The liquid muscle was repeatedly stabbing the offending ghoul while Kaneki had a foot planted firmly on top of his back alongside two appendages stabbing the legs to hold him in place. The ghoul was screaming in pain, begging him to let go.

“You DARE try to hurt Hide?” Kaneki growled as he plunged another painful pierce. “You think I’ll let _GO_?!”

Tonight, Hide had truly realized how frightening Kaneki could be. Previously, it was impossible to imagine Kaneki with such an expression, acting in such a brutal manner. Hide leaned on his arm for support as he continued watching the scene in front of him.

“Unforgivable.” He darkly said, looming over the pulverized ghoul. The kagune moved to pierce the neck.

“Kaneki!!” Hide shouted desperately.

As soon as he got Kaneki’s attention, the realization of what just happened dawned upon him. With widened eyes, he quickly looked back at the bloody mess of a body underneath him and let go. “H-Hide… I--!”

There was no time for this. Sirens were screeching in the distance. Never had Hide experienced such excruciating pain until now when he had forced himself to his feet. How ironic that the eye that was staring at him was one that was completely human.

“Not right now,” he painfully hissed, wincing as he took a step forward to his friend, “Sirens…! I need to get to a hospital.”

A violent twitch overtook Kaneki when he realized the distant wailing. The ruckus must’ve caused someone to notify the authorities. Without anymore hesitation, he dispersed the kagune, and quickly ran to Hide, scooping him up. His feet automatically making way towards the nearby hospital.

“I-I can’t show myself like this…!”

Hide gripped onto Kaneki’s jacket, groping his way up until he was able to latch onto the hood. “Drop me off… at the entrance.”

Kaneki bowed his head, making it easier for Hide to pull the head over his head. A curt nod was all the response he got. Hide gripped tightly onto the hoodie. Through sheer willpower he managed to grin, his heart fluttered with fear. “You better not start avoiding me after this.”

Kaneki gave no response.

“Seriously, I expect fruit baskets from you.” He managed to joke, albeit slowly.

“Don’t talk.” Kaneki ordered, and he happily complied. The adrenaline was quickly leaving his system and the pain coming back full force.

Bright spots danced across his closed eyes. A harsh whisper of his name brought him out of his sleepy stupor. From a slow glance at the surroundings, they were finally at the entrance. Gingerly, he was placed down on his feet. Now, only the glass door supported his weight. Kaneki carefully opened the door and ushered Hide in before making himself scarce. In the back of his mind, Hide feared Kaneki was going to retreat within himself again.

Pushing away painful thoughts and feelings, he took a step forward. The receptionist gawked in complete shock before yelling something. Her voice never reached his ears. Everything around him was losing warmth. His heavy breaths and a slight ringing were the only sounds he could hear.

“Hey, I think I need some stitches.” He managed with a grin before darkness began to envelope his vision. His knees buckled underneath his weight and his outstretched arms slapped onto the floor. Blood and vomit mixed together in rapid succession before he completely lost himself.

A nice, warm feeling accompanied with a dull sensation of pain surrounded him. A foreign, white wall blandly greeted him. A slow glance around the room was all it took to verify that he was indeed in a hospital bed. The sun was still high in the sky, indicating that it couldn’t be too late into the day. Factoring in that he had a traumatic laceration wound, he should’ve been there for 3 days at most.

His thoughts and limbs felt muddy and heavy. The next course of action should’ve been to confirm the wound sealed, but he couldn’t find the energy to lift his arms. Hide continued to lay down, mind empty and eyes half open. _Unforgivable_ , a familiar voice growled. Kaneki… Hide closed his eyes with a pained expression. What was he doing now?

The wound at his side began to ache more. Every sensation of pain made him re-experience what had happened a few days ago. Tears began to well up, but he didn’t allow them to slip. Even though Kaneki could physically heal, emotionally he could not. Hide blamed himself for everything. If only he hadn’t insisted on taking the extra workload, none of this would have happened.

Before his negative thoughts could spiral further, soft footsteps approached him. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes. Dull disappoint coursed through him when he saw a nurse smiling at him.

Never in his life had he been happier to receive a dose of morphine. Not only did it quell the pain on his side, but also made him forget. Sleep followed quick and easily.

\---------------

“Hello, you must be Nagachika Hideyoshi. I am Rank 1 Investigator Amon Koutarou from the Commission of Counter Ghoul. I hope you don’t mind being questioned so shortly after surgery.” 

Hide blinked vacantly at the man sitting beside him. He was now fully aware of that he had been in the hospital for three days. Through the hazy memories, he recalled being constantly checked up on and the medication dosage slowly getting smaller. There was barely a buzz of pain at this point.

“I don’t mind, but can I ask what all of this is about?” He attempted to sound genuinely confused.

Amon cleared his throat as he took a seat. He spared no time nor extra words. “Shortly before your arrival at the hospital, remains of a ghoul were found in a nearby location.”

“With the severity of your wounds, there is little reason to doubt of your unfortunate involvement.”

Hide tenderly hovered his hand above his sealed wound. How could he have not expected the CCG to link the two things together? The attack happened relatively close by, but it would have still been difficult for himself to make way towards the hospital. Dread continued on pouring through as he quickly thought on explaining how he made it to the hospital. It was a risky situation to pretend that he had no involvement in the case. After all, the wound on his side was deep and most likely documented as unnatural.

“Yeah,” he chuckled weakly, cringing at a small ripple of pain, “I thought I was a goner for sure. I was going home after a late night working on campus. I was one hundred percent sure that I was a goner at the time. But, the weirdest thing happened. Another ghoul came out of nowhere and completely obliterated the one that attacked me.”

Hide carefully gauged Amon as he finished telling the story. The entire time, he did not see the other man budge an inch. His steady gazed was fixated on him. A small staring competition ensued, Hide had to bite his tongue in order not to spill anymore information that could potentially be hindering.

“An eyewitness report stated that you were brought to the hospital by a suspicious figure.” Amon finally spoke up, gathering the documents in his hands, flipping through them. “Footage from the surveillance camera confirms the testimony.”

Cold panic shot through his core . Hide deserved a medal for his acting skills, none of the inner turmoil showed up on his face. The surveillance nor receptionist must’ve not got a clear picture of Kaneki’s face. Never in his life has he been so thankful for the hood. That coupled with the eyepatch and downward gaze helped.

With a false cheer, he covered one eye. “Ah, yeah. The ghoul who saved me brought me here.”

Amon’s eyes narrowed at the gesture. “Was it a ghoul with an eye patch?”

Hide nodded, placing his hand down. Never in his life would he have suspected of Kaneki already having a reputation. Especially with the CCG. All he could currently do was sit and pray that Amon didn’t ask him more questions. He could tell that the man was mulling something over, frustration plastered over his face.

He didn’t fault the man for the sour expression. A ghoul saving a human was unheard of. Perhaps this instance would shed some light on how not all ghouls were evil. If he could create a safer world for Kaneki to live in, he’d risk all for it.

“He ran away pretty quickly. Though, I’m sure you knew that already.” He offered weakly.

“I, as well as the CCG, appreciate your cooperation, Nagachika.” Amon gritted through his teeth. The case obviously bothered Amon to a certain personal level.

“Has Eyepatch done other good things in the past?” Hide piped up with a small amount of hope, but was quickly squashed with the hard stare Amon bore.

“Nagachika, just because a ghoul has done a good deed once does not erase all the wrong they have done in the past.”

The vague answer didn’t confirm nor deny his question, he thought sourly. A small glimpse at what Kaneki had been doing slipped through his fingers just like that. A realization began to roll through his head. Joining the CCG and raising through the ranks will give him information he desperately craved for. However, the major downside of Kaneki’s reaction had to be taken into consideration.

Biting his tongue, he quelled the urge to continue talking about Kaneki in a positive light. The man in front of him seemed to already have some sort of beef with the half-ghoul and he wasn’t about to poke that bubble.

Instead, he let Amon continue to stew in his thoughts. If anything, the fact that his frustrations overrode logical thinking was a plus.

With a sigh, Amon thanked Hide again for his time and wished him a quick recovery. Just as quickly as he came, he left. Half an hour later, a nurse came by to do a daily check in.

“Has anyone come by to see me while I was out…?” He scratched at his cheek nervously.

The nurse hummed in thought, gaze upward. “Not that I know of. But I should warn you that there have been journalists who’ve been poking around.”

Hide didn’t know if he felt disappointment or amusement. The attack happened only a few days ago and reporters have already found out about it. “I see, thank you.”

A gentle smile found its place on the nurse as she sympathised. “Would you like me to bring your phone over?”

“Yes, please.” He quickly agreed without realizing.

The nurse rustled through his belongs and fished out his phone. A frown graced her, “It’s been some time since you have been admitted to the hospital... “ She turned to show him the screen. “The phone is dead. Let me go see if I can find a charger.”

She gave him the phone before briskly walking out. The room seemed to grow bigger after she had left. He was alone with his phone in his hands. What would he even message his friend?

A short while later, the nurse came back with a charger. She plugged the phone in for him and handed it back. After her duty was complete, she gave him a sweet smile and proceeded to go check on the next patient.

Hide stared blankly at his phone as it light up with life. Unread messages shined brightly at him, all of them from his classmates. Without hesitation, he began to reply to all of them. Multiple messages of appreciating the concern and that he was fine were sent. Almost mechanically, he hit to message Kaneki, but couldn’t think of what to write. His eyes glazed over as his mind helplessly groped for what to type. By the time he had forty percent charged, he finally began writing the first sentence.

After a few more days of staying in the hospital, he was discharged. The doctor had given him some prescribed antibiotics to take every day and scheduled a check up appointment. With belongings in check, he found himself back on the streets staring intently at his phone. The bright screen light up as he navigated to text Kaneki. No surprise when no new texts popped up.

He sighed, finding difficulty sending him a message. After much debate, he notified Kaneki he was finally discharged along with a happy emoticon. Whether or not the other bothered to check his phone was a complete mystery.

Taking a passive role in the situation would be a grave error on. Before, he gave space and allowed him the time to grow comfortable with himself. He didn’t expect the loneliness to come bite him when he watched Kaneki befriend the folks at Anteiku. If he continued on not taking an active roll... without a doubt he would never see Kaneki again. Determined, he quickly strolled over to a convenience store and purchased some Blondie brand instant coffee.

Hide would’ve never bothered checking his phone if it weren’t for the slightest tingle of a buzz coming from his pocket. His heart leapt out of his throat in excitement, followed by a small rush of adrenaline. Quickly, he turned the screen on. A single message notification from Kaneki beamed back at him.

>I’m sorry for not visiting.

\------------

Heart pounding, he stood in front of Kaneki’s door. The small exchange the two exchanged had seemed unreal. The two agreed on meeting up at his place. Well, even without Kaneki’s agreement he would’ve still showed up. But Kaneki reached out to him, that mattered most.

Hide knocked steadily a few times before letting himself in. Out of habit, he took off his shoes at the front. “Yo, Kaneki! I brought some coffee.”

The hallway replied with silence. Hide frowned, walking forward slowly. If he knew Kaneki, which he did, he should be on his bed. 

Kaneki laid face down on his bed, the phone next to him. The other gave no recognition to Hide’s presence. Hide gave him a pitiful smile, watching Kaneki be confused and so withdrawn hurt. He placed the bag next to the bed and took a seat.

“Pouting already, Kaneki?” He spoke lightheartedly.

A slight shift on the bed notified that Kaneki could hear him. He leaned back and made himself comfortable. “I am happy that you messaged me…”

The two lapsed into silence until Kaneki shifted himself to sit properly beside the other. However, he didn't look at Hide, preferring to hunch over and keep his head down. Hide let a nervous laugh slip pass.

“Where were the fruit baskets?” He jokingly asked. “The hospital food tasted pretty bland.”

No response from Kaneki. Silence overcame once more accompanied by heavy tension wedging itself between them. For once, Hide did not know how to approach the situation. Everything he had wanted to say slipped out of his mind. He was so excited over the fact, for the first time, Kaneki didn’t push him away that he completely forgot on thinking the situation through.

“Hide…” Kaneki’s raspy voice broke the overbearing silence, “how can you still come back to someone like me?”

Kaneki’s jaw set firmly into place and his hands tightly grabbed his face, nails digging into his skin. “I’m a monster,” his voice wavered, holding back tears, “I--”

Not allowing himself to continue, Kaneki curled into himself even further. Hide paused before relaxing his tense shoulders and smiling gently. How Kaneki didn't realize he didn't care about that was beyond him.

“You know, I don’t think I ever told you,” he began and shifted his gaze forward, “ever since you've become a half I've been feeling like I was slowly losing you.”

Hide hunched over, elbows resting on his knees and fingers intertwined. Suddenly, he didn’t feel so brave anymore, but the gentle smile persisted. “When you joined Anteiku, I was happy. You were finally starting to get better again. But the more time passed, the more alone I felt.”

“You were starting to spend more and more time with them, and I slowly started to grow envious of them.” He finally turned to face Kaneki with a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. It fell within seconds. “It really felt like I was being left behind.”

He took a pause to examine Kaneki’s reaction, but mostly for him to calm himself down. For the first time since he came in, Kaneki didn’t hide his face. Whatever happened during his hospitalization showed on him. Heavy bags underneath his eyes along with his nose and cheeks red from crying. He must’ve not been eating, for his skin was pale as a ghost.

“I don’t care if you’re half human, ghoul or cat, Kaneki. I just want to be by your side.”

After a brief pause, Kaneki relaxed and leaned against his shoulder, a small smiled played on his lips. “I can safely verify that I have not become half cat in your absence.”

Hide stared at the top of Kaneki’s head, blinking a few times before his usual smile returned. “Are you sure? Cuz I swear I can hear you purring.”

The two shared a small, quiet laugh. Hide rested his head against Kaneki’s, listening to him speak. “I’m sorry, Hide. I never meant to…”

“I know…” He replied softly.

Kaneki shook his head and faced Hide. “No, I--” He desperately searched for the right words, “I… I shouldn’t have done that to you. I should’ve trusted you.”

Hide gently cupped both of Kaneki’s cheeks, his thumbs rubbing them in a comforting manner. “You didn’t want me getting hurt.”

Kaneki’s gaze shifted downward as he nodded.

“Kaneki,” Hide mentally steeled himself, forcing a chuckling, “you’re getting pale and lookin’ like a zombie again. You need to eat.”

In a flash, his entire focus was back on Hide, eyes wide and jaw ajar. His eyes tried to determine if this was some sort of test, if he could find anything altering to indicate as such. But, only an understanding and tender smile met him.

Kaneki gripped onto Hide’s wrists tightly, voice weak and broken. “You won’t hate me…? Think less of me?”

“It’s who you are now, you can’t help it. Of course I won’t hate you for it.”

His wrists were starting to hurt from how tightly he was gripped. Kaneki’s nails dug into the skin, holding on like he was on the edge of falling. He could feel how badly the other was shaking.

“Okay,” Kaneki managed to croak out. “Don’t hate me, don’t hate me don’t hate me please don’t hate me.”

The mantra continued on repeat and tears poured out of tired eyes. Hide could feel his heart tugging with pity. Slowly, he leaned in to press a kiss on top of his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Kaneki PoV stuff. Not sure how much Hide will be in it.


	3. Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki must grow stronger to protect those he loves.

_“You’re so weak. You can’t even protect your most precious friend.”_

Her voice haunted him. Kaneki thought she was long gone after becoming a half ghoul, but when Hide’s bloody screams penetrated his ears, she came back full force. Taunting him over his useless state. Her words hit him hard, no matter how much he denied her accusations. So hard his bathroom mirror needed to be fixed.

Physical exertion never was his strong suite, Touka reminded him every week . Every bruise, scratch, and broken bone she left proved he had a long way to go. Not only was he physically pathetic, but also emotionally. When Hide needed him most he cried in his room, drowning in her voice.

His grip on the broom tightened, Hide should not have been the one comforting him. How did Hide manage thinking clearly when he recently departed from the hospital? A man like him deserved better.

Rize sat at an empty table in Anteiku, commenting on how delicious different humans looked. Ones who had just a little extra fat excited her, but ones with too much or little earned a face of disgust.

_“You need to eat.”_

Hide’s voice rang loudly in his ears. He wanted to eat so badly. There wasn’t a day he hadn’t thought about it, especially how much his stomach begged to nibble on a little bit of flesh. Forcing the kagune and healing his injury demanded repercussions. 

“Idiot Kaneki, how long are you gonna spend sweeping the same spot?” Touka leaned over the counter, scolding him.

“Ah! Sorry, I didn’t notice,” he quickly hurried to a different section.

“Jeez, what’s with you? You’ve been gone the entire week and return a complete airhead.” She commented while approaching him. “Oh, is it getting close to that time?”

Kaneki avoided looking at her, keeping his gaze steady on the floor. This was not what he wanted to discuss with her today.

Touka frowned at his evasiveness. Leaning on the wall, she gave him a heavy sigh. Kaneki desperately wanted her to go away and not bother him. The girl couldn’t understand what it meant hanging onto his last thread of humanity. Nevertheless, he readied himself for the scolding.

Before speaking, Touka gave a quick scan around the cafe, making sure no Doves were about. “You can’t keep holding yourself from it. Remember what happened last time?”

Kaneki stiffened. The memory of Nishio wounding Hide played once more and the scent of delicious blood entertained his nose. Forcefully, he pushed the plaguing thoughts away for they only surfaced new ones. Back then, Hide’s blood entranced him, captured in a daze. If his friend wasn’t conscious, he could have succumbed to his uncontrollable hunger.

“You were lucky that I was around that time,” she continued quietly. “Who knows what’s going to happen the next time you lose control.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be alright Touka.” How much he could trust his own words, he didn’t know.

“The only reason why I’m even saying this is so I don’t have to deal with your sad ass when you inevitably eat your friend,” she gave a huff, crossing her arms. “Whatever, fix your issue before I have to forcefully shove food down your throat.”

With that, she went back to her station. Kaneki swept the floor in silence. Maybe Hinami was around. Talking to her refreshed him. Teaching her Kanji and explaining different ways of reading the characters took his mind off grave matters. Currently, he did not want to think of food.

The morning proceeded without any other hitch. Rize disappeared and he served customers professionally. When his hourly break arrived, a heavy sigh of relief escaped. Hurriedly, he walked towards the back, hoping Hinami was around.

Kaneki politely knocked on the door and felt instant relief when a young girl give him permission to enter. Hinami resided on the couch with a notebook and pencil at the ready. However, Monochrome Rainbow rested in her hands instead of a newer book.

“Good afternoon, big brother!” Hinami beamed brightly, putting down the book.

He gave a big smile in return and joined her on the couch. “Good afternoon. What’re you reading today?”

“I was going to read a book that big sister got for me from the library, but I wanted to go back to the short stories to see if I could read all the Kanji without having to peek at my notes,” she explained, gesturing to the notebook.

“How’s that been going?”

Hinami launched into a very enthusiastic speech about all the little aspects of the short stories she never noticed before. Becoming more proficient in reading gave her the ability to grasp different story elements that were lost beforehand. Kaneki, in turn, explained more in depth about the different concepts Takatsuki wove into her stories.

The conversation was going lovely until Hinami’s stomach let out a loud grumble. Embarrassed, the girl quickly covered up with both hands and sheepishly looked at Kaneki who, in turn, paled.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten yet…” she mumbled.

“I-It’s okay,” the relaxed atmosphere the two shared completely evaporated. Kaneki felt his entire body stiffen as unwanted thoughts sprung once more.

“Big brother… are you alright?” Hinami asked gently.

Kaneki laughed nervously as he rubbed his chin. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Hinami gave him a worried expression, and was about state her concerns once more when Kaneki’s stomach growled. The two sat in silence, Hinami knew his struggles with food.

“Do you want me to get a cup of coffee…?” She offered, but Kaneki immediately shook his head.

“No. It’s fine. I can make one myself later,” he said.

Hinami fidgeted nervously beside him, and he looked at the clock. Fifteen minutes remained of his break. In a desperate attempt to bring back the easy atmosphere, he attempted to talk about the short stories again.

Noticing the attempt, Hinami let him carry the conversation, giving her own input when necessary. Five minutes before he had to go, she spoke up.

“U-um big brother?” She picked nervously at her sleeve before looking up. “It’s okay to eat.”

Kaneki’s eyes widened in shock once more. He never expected her to bring the topic up. He gave a strained smile. “I’ll be fine, Hinami.”

The girl shook her head fiercefully. “I know what it’s like to be hungry. There were times when we didn’t have any food, and I remember how painful that was. I don’t want big brother to go through the same thing.”

He relaxed at her genuine concern, smile becoming less forced. “I’ll make myself coffee and use the cubes Mr. Yoshimura gave me.”

With a final goodbye, he returned to work. Putting a mask of ease for the customers and other employees of Anteiku was quite easy for him. His acting skills were passable enough that the others didn’t worry over him.

Throughout the day, Hide had not come by the cafe. Kaneki was torn between feeling happy he didn’t have to face him so soon, or upset he hadn’t dropped by. Hide was probably busy with classes, club, or his part time job. A shame his schedule was busy most of the time, but that’s what happened to social butterflies like him.

_“You need to eat.”_

The words rang through his head once more. Luckily, they hadn’t affected him as much, but he still found himself spacing off from time to time when there weren’t many customers. Kaneki didn’t know what he did to deserve someone as loyal as Hide, especially when he essentially isolated him by accident.

Kaneki closed his eyes, trying to recapture the warmth Hide radiated. A light blush dusted across his cheeks as he remembered crying into his shoulder and being held. The physical contact definitely welcomed by both parties until Kaneki accidentally pressed against the fresh stitching. Not to mention the comforting kiss on his head...

Koma snapped Kaneki out of his day dreams, proclaiming he looked like a puppy while spacing off and staring at a wall. To which he added on his usual schpiel over how the Devil Ape would have never worn such an expression, for he was too fierce.

Kaneki let out a long sigh when cleaning up shop for closing. Today was one of his longer days at Anteiku, not that he minded. After all, skipping work for a long time was inexcusable. At least it was Irimi who assisted him in the task instead of Touka. He wouldn’t put it passed her to dump all the responsibility on him and text her friend, Yoriko, the entire time.

He excused himself back into the shop when the two parted ways, and found Yoshimura inside double checking the coffee beans.

“I had a feeling you wanted to talk to me, Kaneki,” he stated as he turned to face him. “Is something the matter?”

Keeping an act at this point was impossible. Kaneki fisted his hands so tightly his nails dug deeply into the skin of his palm, grave expression aimed at the counter.

“Would it be okay… to have some food?” The words left his mouth uncomfortably. He couldn’t he formed that sentence.

Yoshimura gave him a pensive stare before nodding his head. “Of course, you’re a valuable worker of Anteiku after all. Follow me.”

After a few seconds of hesitation, Kaneki followed the manager. The entire time Kaneki felt like he was betraying a vital part of himself. His mouth felt raw and moved robotically after Yoshimura..

A plain package was handed to him. It looked innocent enough, like any other store bought product. However, knowing the contents sent his instincts off. Tearing apart the package and stuffing his face would not be dignifying, he could wait until he arrived home.

“T-Thank you, Mr. Yoshimura…” he swallowed thickly.

The manager gave him a long, concerned look. “Kaneki, remember this does not make you any less human.”

His grip tightened on the package, instincts screaming at him to tear into it.

“The ghoul side of you is an addition that needs to be paid attention to before it loses control. When you slip into darkness is when you will have regrets.”

The soft yet firm feel of the meat pressed harder against his hands. His body began to quiver. In hunger or fear, he did not know. “Mr. Yoshimura… I’m scared… If I do eat this willingly then there is no going back...”

His trembling halted for a split second when he felt a hand on his shoulder giving him a reassuring squeeze. “It would be better for you to accept what you must do.”

The unspoken consequences lingered in the air. Kaneki swallowed heavily once more, nodding. Stepping outside, Kaneki had welcomed the cool air, a much needed distraction from the suffocating pressure.

“Do not forget, you need to work another long shift,” Yoshimura smiled at him, bringing normalcy back. “A week is a long time to be gone.”

Kaneki weakly nod, waving farewell. Initially, he begun his trek home at a normal pace, but by the time he was halfway he broke into a full sprint. Without hesitation, he darted into his apartment and slammed the door shut. His ghoul instincts overcame him as he sank to his knees, drool covering his entire mouth.

His hands groped around the package, body tingling as he felt the squishy meat ply underneath. A spike of terror surged through him, bringing back his senses. Immediately, the package was tossed against a nearby wall with a heavy thud.

Impossible, he thought as he curled up and bit his arm, he couldn’t so easily throw away the last strand of his humanity, even if everyone supported him.

_“...fix your issue before I…”_

_“I don’t want big brother to go through the same thing.”_

_“...this does not make you any less human.”_

His instinct and hunger began to rip him apart from the inside. Screaming, begging, wanting, needing the flesh in front of him. Tears poured out of his eyes as he tried to hold out and his body convulsed in pain.

_“You need to eat.”_

Hide’s words sang once more, causing his head to snap up. Rapid murmurs all varying in volume escaped his mouth. Everyone was telling him it was okay. Kaneki crawled slowly, arms twitching with anticipation.

Delicate hands wrapped around the package. Insane eyes flew upward to find Rize smiling sinisterly. “Eat, Kaneki. You’ll know true pleasure once you sink your teeth into this.”

His body shook violently, a resounding scream followed quickly. In a last attempt to regain control, he smashed his head against the wooden floor. Stars danced across his eyes as he weakly lifted his head once, smashing it back against the floor.

For how long he laid on the cold floor, he did not know. At least his body didn’t feel like splitting apart from agony. Kaneki gingerly rubbed his head, sitting up and laid his back against a wall. When he gathered enough focus, he realized the package was gone. Panicked, he looked around to find where it went.

His eyes widened, realizing where he was. With perfect memory, he traced the steps throughout his old house to find her. As expected, a tired woman sat on the floor, hunched over paperwork. An empty cup of coffee and an envelope sat on the table.

“Mom…!” He excitedly ran up.

The woman smiled, hiding how exhausted she was. “Ken, how was school?”

“Your mother is tired, isn’t she?” Rize mused across from them. Kaneki blinked, finding himself beside her now, staring at a younger version of himself. “What’s this?”

He smiled fondly over the memory, “I just came back from school. Mom was busy with her work, but she still made time to know how I was doing.”

The two watched the memory of little Kaneki excitedly talk.

“This doesn’t look like it has anything to do with work,” Rize motions towards a pristine envelope on the desk.

His expression darkened, “That was for my Aunt. She came to my mom, always saying how she was low on funds and couldn’t support her kid.”

A hollow knock boomed from the hallway causing all four heads to snap at the door. Kaneki grabbed on to his mom’s clothes, begging her to not open the door.

“Ken, you know I can’t do that. My sister needs me,” she gave him a gentle, tired smile.

Every step she took shot fear through him. His eyes grew wide and heart thumped strongly. The closer she got, the stronger it became. Sweat dripped down his face. When her hand touched the door knob, all of his anxiety exploded.

“Mom, don’t open the door!” He desperately screamed, finding his legs unable to move. A strong foreboding feeling told him when the door opened, she would drop dead. “Mom! Please listen to me!!”

She turned around, “I’m sorry, Ken. I have to. I’ll make some hamburger steak for dinner, I promise.”

“I don’t care about that! Don’t open the door!!” His voice broke, making him unable to continue his begging.

The scene froze. Rize stood beside him. “How pathetic, she can’t even say no to her sister when her child is kicking and screaming.”

Kaneki broke down into his tears, covering his ears. His small whimpers telling the scene to stop were ignored.

“I finally see what you have in common with this women,” Rize turned to face him as his mom opened the door.

Even though he knew his mom would die, he couldn’t stop the anguish and anger flowing through him. His Aunt stood over the body with an unimpressed stare before directing it behind him.

His intense emotions immediately replaced with dread. Rize, however, was quite amused. “So that’s what’s going to happen if you continue on acting like her.”

Slowly, he turned to face the horrifying scene. Blood. Blood of his friends splattered across the walls and floors, their bodies twisted and mangled. Rize hopped over, caressing Hide’s cheek.

“You can’t even handle a single human, what makes you think you can handle the world of ghouls?” Her hands moved to grip Hide’s jaw, mimicking the motions of talking. “‘I told you to eat, Kaneki. Look at what you’ve done.’”

“N-No, you’re wrong. I didn’t do this!”

“Just like how your precious mother didn’t leave you behind?” She smiled devilishly at him. “Both of you thought you weren’t doing anything wrong, but the truth is this is all your fault.”

Kaneki took a step back, shaking his head furiously. “No, my mother was kind.”

“Your mother let herself die, just like you’re going to let your friends die.”

A solid body collided with his causing him to jump. His Aunt stared coldly. “I have to take care of you, don’t I? My stupid sister couldn’t do anything right, leaving me with such a pathetic child.”

“It’s all your fault,” Kaneki quietly said as his body shook. A surge of anger bolstered through him as he continued to stare at the devil. “You were the reason why Mom died!”

Rize laughed behind his Aunt, finding the entire situation amusing. “Too bad you’re not going to do anything about it.”

“You’re wrong.”

Her confused expression melted into shock as she witnessed Kaneki draw back and plunge his arm into his Aunt’s chest. “Ghouls aren’t the only rotten ones.”

“Amazing!” She cheered as she watched Kaneki push the body against the floor, devouring it.

Sweet. Delicious. Pristine. Appetizing. OVERWHELMING. He stuffed his mouth, chunks of flesh fell from not enough room. It was warm and chewy in all the right places. How could someone so heinous taste so good?

Rize sat in front of him, encouraging him to eat. When he finally stopped, she patted his head. “Such a good boy Kaneki, you’re finally becoming a real ghoul.”

Her hands drifted down to cup his cheeks, making him look at her. His lifeless eyes grew cold at her cheerful expressions. The hands on his face felt the exact opposite of Hide’s. He hated her. Hated her entire existence. Hated his stupidity in trusting her.

Without a word, he lunged at her throat, biting off a big chunk. Kaneki straddled her, effectively restraining her. Her shocked expression satisfied him to the core.

“Abhorrent ghouls are bad coffee beans that need to be plucked.”

“And the humans…?” She weakly asked.

“If they wrong me, I will not turn a blind eye any longer.”

Without anymore words, he descended upon her. Her flesh had no taste, but he could feel himself becoming stronger. Someone he needed to become. The crunching of bone and ripping of flesh filled his ears. His mother had left him behind, he wouldn’t allow his friends to leave him. But for that, he needed to become strong. Strong enough to defend them against all ghouls and humans.

“So you’re accepting me?” Rize weakly uttered, her chest cavity completely hollow.

Kaneki sat up and coldly stared down at her. “Yes.”

The woman underneath him smiled. “Finally.”

“I’m going to become stronger than anyone,” his hands tightly gripped his face. Different emotions coursed through, tugging him multiple ways until he couldn’t tell what he was supposed to feel.

“I am a --”

The entire floor disappeared underneath his feet. A rough breeze tussled his hair in every direction, cooling his body, he plunged head first into darkness. His free-fall ended when a rope bound around his leg, suspending him midair against a wooden beam. Blood rushed to his head after a while of hanging. A nagging feeling told him to cut himself from the rope, but he had no instrument to do so.

_Wrong._

His kagune slithered out of his back, gloriously presenting all four. The tool was always within him no matter what. Kaneki closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. He couldn’t run away from the truth anymore. Ignoring all of him led to no gain. Effortlessly, the rope was severed. Instead of free-falling, he flipped right-side up, bracing himself for inevitable impact.

Gently, his feet connected with a cold tile floor. In front, a giant golden wheel loomed. Exactly ten options presented themselves. Ghoul or Human. At the top rested a severed human hand, indicating the current selection. The most curious aspect was the current selection. Instead of displaying either option, there was only grey.

Kaneki’s eyes drifted down to find Touka and Hide standing at opposite sides of the wheel. However, Hide was the one present wearing a ghoul magician mask; Touka wore her everyday clothes.

“Kaneki, you’re a human right?” Hide questioned from his station. “Let me spin the wheel! I’ll make sure it lands on human.”

Touka scowled at Kaneki, “You’re a ghoul now! If you pretend you’re different you’re going to regret your decisions! If you let me spin it, you’re going to be happy for once.”

“You started out as a human, so continue on living that way,” Hide spoke up. “What’s inside you doesn’t matter. It’s how you live your life.”

“Really?” Touka gave Hide an incredulous glare, “What’s inside matters when you turn into a savage beast when you don’t accept it!”

Hide laughed, “Being human is important. It’s not something you can throw away so easily when it was a majority of your life.”

Kaneki watched the two bicker, a small content smile forming. Hide, Touka… everyone at Anteiku were all important to him. He had failed protecting Ryouko because of his lacking, but now, he had nothing holding him back. He was going to show the world how wrong it was.

“Enough,” his whisper quiet voice silenced the two.

“Did you make your choice?” The two of them excitedly asked in unison.

“Yes.”

Kaneki walked up, motioning for the two to come close. Confused, they still obliged. When they were close enough, he wrapped his arms around them, holding tightly. His kagune quietly slipped out, gripping a side of the wheel.

“You two don’t have to spin anything… I’ve made my decision.”

Both of them expressed confusion and insisted on spinning. Emotions tugged at his smile. “I’ll protect the both of you.”  
With a mighty swing of his kagune, the wheel spun rapidly. Around them, the scenery crumbled, dissolving into the night sky. He could feel his friends hug him back just as tightly. Instead of closing his eyes, he focused his steady gaze at the top of the wheel, watching earnestly.

“I am--”

Kaneki woke up with his back pressed against the wall. Darkness dimmed the apartment, and a sharp pain vibrated constantly through his skull. He ruffled his hair, rubbing the back of his head, taking a look around the room. In front of him, the package was torn apart. Slowly, he brought his fingers to his lips and swiped. Unsurprisingly, traces of blood clung on his fingers. Instead of rubbing away the remains, he licked.

Rummaging through his medicine cabinet, he obtained pills to get rid of his headache. The sound of running water filled the otherwise silent apartment. Kaneki tried to examine himself through the broken mirror. Multiple versions of himself stared back blankly, tired and wary. He slumped away from the mirror, pocketing his mask.

Kaneki drifted through the night in a haze, feet taking him wherever they lead. Stars twinkled brightly as sounds of traffic persisted. The still night cleared his head, allowing him to enjoy the caressing coldness.

His feet lead him to a familiar scene, the old park Hide and him had spent many hours talking. Kaneki relaxed his shoulders as he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, enjoying everything the moment had to offer. Snow, ground, and rusted metal, expected scents, but a unusual one accompanied: blood.

Irritation quickly unfolded. How dare such a stench find its way into a place so innocent. Without hesitation, he equipped his mask and pulled his hood. His search led him to two bodies stripped of their clothes and limbs missing. Without a doubt a ghoul marked this place as hunting grounds.

With a burst of speed, Kaneki followed the weak scent of blood leading away from the scene. Anger pumped through his veins. He will not allow a playground to be feeding grounds of a ghoul.

The smell drew nearer as he sped through. Soft grass quickly turned to cement. Buildings blurred passed him as he twisted his way through alleys. Finally, his hunt came to an end. A figure hunched over behind a dumpster continued to tear at a hand, ripping tendon from bone.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kaneki loomed over her.

The young women squawked in surprise, attempting to hide the severed arm before realizing a ghoul was talking to her. “A-Ah, sorry, did I step into your hunting grounds? I’m new to this area.”

Kaneki stared, challenging her to continue, emanating a killer's aura.

“Look, I’m sorry! I’ll leave immediately!” She tried to please him, and offered her meal. “I’ll even give you this.”

“I don’t want your scraps.”

“I can show you where I killed them. The bodies are still there. C’mon, it’s a free meal!” Desperation quickly filled her voice. “I’ll show you.”

“Sorry, but I’m not interested,” he blankly stated, not moving an inch. The young woman had nowhere to go. “However, I am interested in you.”

With a flash, both of their kagunes attacked one another.

“F-Four?!” Her two Rinkaku tails were countered by his, however, she was pinned down by his other two.

“I’ve heard that if you eat a ghoul, you become stronger,” he leaned into her, unzipping his mask, Rize’s smile on his lips. “You will be the first.”

Crunching and squishing filled the silent alleyway. Her flesh tasted like rotten fish that has been dragged through the sewers, slick with oil. God, ghouls tasted disgusting, but he had to consume. No matter how badly he wanted to spit out the noxious meat, he stuffed more into his mouth.

To eat meant becoming strong.

Becoming strong meant he could protect.

Kaneki leaned against the stone wall for support, knees shaking. His stomach contracted, attempting to force the food back out, but he fought against instinct. He was strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki-centric chapter.... I swear the next one will have actual HideKane stuff in it ;-; I'm a bit more iffy on this one... but I didn't want to waste all my time fretting over it.
> 
> Next chapter is Hide PoV


	4. Track

Hide sighed, closed the app on his phone, and rested atop his bike. Instead of relaxing at home like his doctor suggested, he immediately went back to his hobby of playing detective. Earlier in the day, he stuck a small tracking device on a shifty individual. Hide expected her to retire home when the night grew older, not stalk around a park.

For over an hour she resided behind a few trees, eyes peeled on the dirt road. After watching her for ten minutes he began to suspect she was a ghoul, and backed up further. Not two minutes later, a couple walked passed right in front of her. Like he had suspected, two tentacle appendages wrapped around and yanked them into the shadows. Only a single scream echoed before normal silence resumed.

In a morbid way Hide struck gold. The CCG would definitely be tracking a particular ghoul like this. Her presence made the playground, a family friendly area, unsafe. Taking her out ensured the safety of a wide variety of people. If he brought her location to them he would get an easy way in. Or, at least, that’s what he figured.

Hide shivered and wrapped his arms around himself; rubbing them in attempt to increase circulation. Silently, he cursed winter for coming so quickly. After five minutes of waiting he checked his phone. Glee overcame when the little circle on the map began to move. Wasting no time he pedaled after her.

His delight deflated when he stood in front of an alleyway. The shady, cramped road looked unpleasant. Carefully, he dismounted and began walking through while keeping an eye on his phone. The circle eventually stopped a block ahead of him. Exasperated, he hid in the shadows. Why was she stopping in such a random spot? Either she didn’t finish eating, or she encountered another ghoul. He hoped for the former.

About ten minutes later, the ghoul remained in the same spot. However, an all too familiar figure dashed past, but took no notice of him. Hide paled, and instantly shot up from his hiding place. What was Kaneki doing here?

Slowly, he crept through the alley, making sure not to accidentally create extra noise. Just as he was about to turn, a body blocked his path. Immediately, he jumped back in panic. The man in front looked down at him, unamused.

Grey hair and a small unshaved patch decorated his chin. The slight unkempt yet sturdy appearance triggered memories. He had seen the man at Anteiku once or twice, but never approached him. What was he doing out here?

“Nagachika Hideyoshi?”

“Y-Yeah… and you?” He remained tense. Even though he had seen him before there was no telling if he was friendly or not.

“This is as far as you go,” was the reply. No mention of a name.

“Bwah? No!” Hide tried to refute, but the man grabbed him by the collar and dragged him away.

\------

Hide sat in the all too familiar coffee shop focusing on the cup in front of him. The man who brought him, Yomo, stood off to the side while Yoshimura sat beside him. Silence permeated, causing him to fidget. Yoshimura, on the other hand, seemed relaxed, taking sips of coffee every now and then.

“U-um…” Hide eventually stuttered, not knowing where to begin.

“Hideyoshi, correct?” Yoshimura gave him a calming smile, “I am Yoshimura, the manager of Anteiku.”

“It’s a pleasure to formally meet you, Mr. Yoshimura…” He scratched his cheek nervously. In truth, he wanted to mention his bike was still out in the alley. Plus, wanting to make sure Kaneki was okay.

“You should drink, the coffee is quite relaxing.”

Hide obediently took a sip. The drink was bitter, but surprisingly superb in quality. Far better than any black coffee he tried before. “It is good.”

Yoshimura nodded at Yomo, who, in turn, left the cafe. The two continued to sit; Hide fidgeting with the handle while Yoshimura sipped his coffee.

“Now then,” Yoshimura broke the silence, “you are Kaneki’s friend, correct?”

Hide nodded, but did not understanding where the question was coming from.

“From my understanding you were injured by a ghoul?”

He clenched his jaw and nodded again. Hide’s grip on his cup was tight, Kaneki kept most of his personal life to himself. Yoshimura must have gotten information from a different source. Yomo, perhaps? With the way his pursuit was interrupted, there could have been a chance he followed Kaneki that night as well.

Yoshimura hummed, taking a drink of his coffee, “So, I don’t have to explain his circumstance to you?”

A strained smile graced him, “Kaneki is important to me. There is no way I’m going to turn him to the CCG. I want to help him, even if he tries to seclude himself.”

Yoshimura lightly chuckled, “No need to become defensive. I believe you have his best interest at heart.”

Hide stared at his reflection, waiting for him to continue. Yoshimura had no idea how much more there was to the simple statement.

“Which is why I feel this is going to be beneficial for the both of us,” the atmosphere turned cold. Hide could feel sweat forming on his brow. “Kaneki is choosing a dark path.”

“You are his friend who he holds in high regard. I believe you are the one who can help him stay close to the safe route.”

Hide gripped the cup tightly. On one hand, he felt elated he was trusted enough with Kaneki’s well being, but on the other he was worried for his friend. A dark path meant great danger. After all, a ghoul’s world was not easy, even for a half.

“How can I help, when he’s so reluctant to tell me anything,” he choked out the truth. Hide proclaimed himself to be his best friend, but struggled to wrangle anything out of him. Figuring out what bothered Kaneki was a puzzle. “I just want to help him but he’s so determined that he’s not worthy of any.”

“That is why I’m willing to answer any question you have about ghouls. Ghoul books only teach second hand information; some of which are not true,” Yoshimura kindly offered.

Hide’s eyes widened as his head snapped to face Yoshimura. Never in his life did he expect to be sitting in this situation. Finally, all the answers where at his fingertips, and he could truly understand what pains Kaneki was going through. Relief spread and a smile finally appeared, his body felt light. A great opportunity such as this could not go to waste.

\----

In the dead of night, away from streetlights, civilians, and vehicles a half eaten body laid slump against the cold stone wall. Hide stared at the body of the woman he had been tracking. Her last encounter had been with Kaneki and it was her final one. In the cold pit of his stomach, he knew what Kaneki did. Equating such an act to him proved difficult but not impossible. After all, he chose to tread a dangerous and dark path. Not wasting a valuable opportunity, he picked up his phone and dialed.

“Hello, you have reached Commission of Counter Ghoul Information department hotline, how can I be of service?” A voice crackled through the phone.

Hide will use whatever information he could gather to help his friend, even if it meant joining the enemy.

\---

“Kaneki, give me five more cups of coffee,” Hide whined, leaning on the counter.

The previous night had been so busy, he was unable to get a wink of sleep. Hide knew he looked exhausted beyond measure and he felt it. Keeping his eyes opened was the most difficult task at hand. He had no idea how he was going to stay awake for lecture.

Kaneki gave him a cross half glare, which received a laugh in return. The other looked just as bad; dark circles underneath his eyes and a strong grimace accompanied such a lovely complexion.

“Why don’t I just give you a coffee bath at this point? You’ve already had three.” Kaneki grumbled at him, refusing to make another cup. Anteiku was still closed so he had no qualms in denying service.

“That sounds nice actually,” Hide mused with a dopey smile. “Give me a sponge bath Kaneki. Do you know how annoying it is to bathe with my stitches?”

“No,” Kaneki glowered before letting out a deep sigh, “we’re going to have to catch up on school work.”

Hide dropped his head onto the table with an audible thunk, “Don’t remind me. I’m lucky that the festival committee is letting me off gently.”

Not to mention he now had an appointment set with CCG. If everything goes according to plan, he’ll be switching part time jobs. Breaking the news to Kaneki will be a bit difficult. Hopefully, he’ll understand his intentions.

“How are you feeling?” Kaneki asked gently, gaze fixated on the counter.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out Kaneki was worried about him. Maybe he should’ve attempted to sleep for an hour or two. A soft smile replaced his joking grin. “As good as a person can right out of the hospital.”

“That doesn’t really explain why you look like you got no sleep last night.”

“It’s cause I didn’t get any,” he sheepishly admitted, resting his head on his arms. “I’ve been trying to catch up on a few things considering I’ve only been sleeping in the hospital.”

Kaneki looked displeased with the answer, but didn’t pressure for more. Instead, he opted for distracting himself by making another cup of coffee. Hide piped up, “How about you? You look just as crappy as I do.”

Kaneki paused, hand lifting to stroke his chin in thought. “I had a hard time falling asleep last night. You worry me a lot, Hide.”

Just as expected, he lied. Well, he couldn’t blame him for it this time around. No matter how badly he wanted Kaneki to open up, he was always going to be fickle about things he thought were for the best. Hide could repeat multiple times to Kaneki that no matter what happened he would always stay by his side, he would still keep things to himself.

Hide lightly chuckled in response, “If anything, you should be worried about all the homework we have to do. Wanna go back to my place later today to do that?”

Kaneki contemplated on the suggestion, “Sure, you’ve got class today right? We can go afterwards.”

Fighting to stay awake through class proved to be a difficult challenge. Multiple times he caught himself slipping off into dreamland. By the end, he could barely recall what the teacher droned about. Pulling stressful all nighters never achieved productive days. He was contemplating on canceling his plans with Kaneki, but his irrational side won. Hide wanted to see his friend so badly. Dredging up the painful memories of his hospital stay only fueled his desire. Who cares if he accidentally falls asleep?

Once he finally showed up at Anteiku, he stopped himself at the corner. Kaneki had been already waiting for him outside. He took advantage of the opportunity to observe his sleepy friend. By the looks of it, he was going to fall asleep standing up. Kaneki attempted to stifle a cute yawn and tiredly checked the time.

“Yo, Kaneki!” Hide greeted as he trotted up to his friend, who in turn smiled.

“Ready to go?” Kaneki asked, letting Hide drag him by the arm.

“Of course. Now lets hurry up because I do want to make myself some food.”

Considering how tired he was, Hide decided to make a simple cup of ramen for himself, which he promptly forgot about until Kaneki reminded him. The two attempted to work and read over texts with wavering effort. Words began to blend and blur, and his writing shaky at best. However, what made him lose complete focus was when Kaneki leaned against his shoulder, eyes droopy.

No matter how hard he tried, he could not ignore the warmth permeating from Kaneki. Both of them completely stopped working, and basked in one another’s company. Hide closed his eyes as he leaned against the other, savoring the moment. Their exhaustion lowered their guards and allowed the silent moment to continue without an air of awkwardness.

“Hide…” Kaneki’s soft voice broke the silence. Hide opened his eyes a crack, vision blurry, and looked at him. Not finding the energy to form a proper response he hummed in question as a reply.

“... before you said you couldn’t think of hating me.”

He opened his eyes fully, trying to gauge what Kaneki attempted to say.

“I don’t think that…”

The last few words were left unspoken, but Hide knew where they headed. Instead of trying to argue when his brain was half functioning, he wrapped his arms around Kaneki, and held him close.

"It's okay..." he murmured, avoiding pressuring his stitches. "I told you that I don't care about that."

After a pause, Kaneki gripped onto Hide's shirt tightly, burying his head onto his chest. "Then this is okay?"

"Yeah."

Kaneki's shoulders shook, but he made no sounds. Hide leaned back and pulled Kaneki along with him. The wooden floor felt cool and firm against his back while his chest began to dampen from tears. Every shake from his silenced cry raked Hide with guilt and worry. 

"This is okay?" Kaneki's quiet garbled voice asked once more.

Hide rubbed his back in a comforting manner. "Of course. You don't need to bear the weight alone."

A few tremors later, Kaneki's tense body relaxed, but his grip stayed tight as if letting go would make everything disappear. Even though his eyes sagged with tiredness, Hide stayed awake rubbing Kaneki's back soothingly.

Kaneki leaned up, a red and tired eye accompanied with a smile looked down at him. "I'm happy"

Hide gazed silently in surprise waiting for Kaneki to continue who sniffled and rubbed his eye. "I will definitely protect you."

Hide smiled before wrapping his arms around and pulling him down once more. "Good luck doing that when you can barely keep your eyes open."

Kaneki squirmed in his grasp, ultimately giving up the pursuit with a defeated sigh. "Let’s move to the bed at least..."

Hide chuckled, "Alright alright."

Releasing his grip, he sluggishly crawled onto his bed shortly followed by Kaneki. The two closely laid side by side quietly. An air of comfort surrounded the two. Finally, things were calm enough for them to enjoy a quiet moment. Most of his worries slipped from his mind as he slipped away into a welcoming unconsciousness. His friend was still by his side. Every fiber in his being told him nothing would change from now on, that it can only get better. A slight tug on his shirt woke him from his groggy state. 

To his surprise, Kaneki had taken off the eyepatch. How long has it been since he had seen him with both eyes staring back? However, instead of eye contact, Kaneki’s eyes kept on wandering in every direction but him.

“H-Hide…” He looked as if he wanted to continue on speaking, but interrupted himself by hiding his face into the pillow.

“What is it?” Hide couldn’t help but chuckle at his abashed behavior.

After a few moments, Kaneki finally spoke, “Would it be okay if I was closer?”

Hide stared blankly at him. The two were already close. In fact, their shoulders were almost touching in the previous position. With Kaneki laying on his side, there was more space between the two. Now, the only small contact they shared was the grip on his shirt which was quickly becoming tighter the longer he peered.

Kaneki shifted his glance away, cheeks filled with a small flush, and legs nervously wrapped together. “N-Nevermind…”

A light bulb switched on as he realised what Kaneki wanted. He caught Kaneki’s fidgety hand before he could take it back. “I don’t mind.”

The second those words left he felt his cheeks flush. After a few moments of the two avoiding eye contact Hide sighed and closed his eyes again, determined to fall asleep this time. It wasn’t long until he felt Kaneki rest his head on his shoulder and a hand on his stomach. The comforting and warm weight lulled him into a dreamless sleep.

A quiet sizzling crackled through the room as Hide rubbed his eyes. Groggily, he sat up and noted the missing extra warmth. Now that he properly looked around, he realized how dark the room was from lack of any light. Pulling out his phone to check the time was a mistake. The small screen instantly light up the room, hurting his eyes in the process, displaying seven in the morning. Hide frowned as his eyes adjusted, when did they fall asleep?

The cold hardwood floor sent shivers up his spine even when he tip toed around to avoid as much contact as possible. “Kaneki?”

“Hide, are you awake?” Kaneki poked his head from the kitchen.

“Ah, yeah,” he made his way towards his friend, slowly getting used to the cold. “What are you doing?”

A sizzling egg with ingredients placed on top sat on the stove cooked by a low heat. The flame extinguished when Kaneki walked up and turned off the burner. Only now Hide noticed Kaneki wore an apron. Mildly perplexed, he watched Kaneki prepare the omelette.

“You’re… cooking?” He walked behind Kaneki, who pushed him out of the way.

“I can still do that you know,” Kaneki huffed as he placed the food on the table. “Do you want any coffee or tea?”

Hide grinned, taking a seat, “Some coffee please!”

“I never expected you to cook,” he proceeded as Kaneki brewed coffee, “It’s not gonna kill me is it?”

“I didn’t magically lose my ability to cook,” he replied dryly, “There was no point in doing it.”

Hide waited patiently for him to come back with drinks before digging in. The texture of the omelette was good, however it lacked a certain flavor. He drank coffee to wash it down.

“Kaneki, did you forget to add salt?” He asked with a raised brow.

Kaneki paled, “I think I added it?”

Hide laughed unabashed as Kaneki rushed off to the kitchenette. When he returned, he also placed down pepper which caused Hide to laugh harder. Frustrated with his behavior, Kaneki broke a piece of the omelette and shoved it into Hide’s mouth causing the other to cease laughing in order to not choke.

“That’s not nice…” Hide whined, displaying crocodile tears as he took the chopsticks back. “It’s not my fault you forgot to add salt.”

Kaneki crossed his arms with a huff. “Be happy I made breakfast.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved nonchalantly and salted his food. “Thanks for the food.”

Breakfast continued without an air of worry. In the back of his mind, Hide wandered when he should tell Kaneki his plans. Not to mention he knew what the other hid from him. The acts he was willing to commit were a little hard to believe. If anyone came up to Hide and told what his friend had done he would have waved off the story as false. Seeing the devoured body in the alley, however, showed him how much anyone can change.

His grip on his cup tightened, Kaneki was most likely going to be noticed by the CCG even more. No matter what intentions he had CCG would not allow a powerful ghoul go unnoticed. In their conversation Kaneki smiled and laughed, but for how long will he be able to keep it up? Hide wanted for him to stay that way as long as possible, even though eventually everything will change.

That is why a few days later, with prim and proper clothing, he stood outside the Commission of Counter Ghoul. Normally he had no nerves about interviewing for part time jobs, but this was a different case. He was doing it under false pretenses. In order to protect Kaneki he had to know what tabs the investigators were keeping on him.

The glass double door entrance automatically slid open welcoming him into a large open room. A few seats accompanied with tables scattered throughout. Besides a few decorations here and there, the place was dull but clean. Off to the side, a path lead into the headquarters. However, multiple scan machines created a barrier between the main lounge and the inner grounds.

With a bounce in his step and a grin, he arrived in front of the receptionist’s desk. “Hello, my name is Nagachika Hideyoshi. I’m here for an interview to become a part-timer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-----------------
> 
> Huff, finally got this chapter done! Went to Fanime and got some Tokyo Ghoul prints! Sadly there was barely any Hide stuff... Really wanted a Kaneki and Hide charm but alas none were there.


	5. Devourer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calm times are only acts to conceal horrible reality.

A strike to the chest in retaliation.

Lunge aiming at his left barely evaded.

Following the motion of her body gave the opportune moment to strike at her exposed side. Her realization came too late, allowing a painful blow to land. Crippling pain caused her movements to halt for a split second, barely blocking the next blow to her other side. A quick disengage acquired the distance needed to evaluate the situation.

Kaneki took on a defensive stance he had learned from a martial arts book while he waited for Touka to assault. Gritting her teeth in frustration, Touke made a dash forward, but feinted to his back side using her ghoul agility. Not expecting the maneuver forced him to take the damaging blow. In retaliation he grounded his feet, pivoted, and lunged before she found the moment to hop away.

A resounding blow echoed through the sewers shortly followed by coughing. Touka kneeled down, hand clutching her abdomen as she regained her breath. Kaneki had angled his attack just right in order to decisively strike at her diaphragm. Even ghouls were susceptible to the spasm, he noted. Throughout the two weeks he had been observing which different types of jabs and pummels harmed ghouls to a debilitating degree. He had felt guilty using Touka as a test subject, but deemed it necessary in order to increase his knowledge. Luckily, she was none the wiser.

“Dammit, what the hell?” Touka breathed heavily, fingers sliding against concrete as she fisted her hands, “Since when did you start fighting like that?”

Kaneki laughed weakly in response.

“That’s not an answer, Idiot Kaneki,” she finally stood, crossing her arms with an irritated look.

“U-um,” he stuttered trying to find words, “I’ve been trying to get better so I’ve been reading up on some fighting moves.”

Touka blinked at his flimsy explanation. A defeated sigh escaped her lips and waved off the answer as satisfactory. “Tch, you’re so weird. Whatever lets take a break.”

Next to a pillar two cans of black coffee recided; one for Kaneki and herself. The two found a spot on a ledge that overlooked the entire sewer room. A silence fell across the two, nothing out of the normal. It gave some time for him to think.

Kaneki wished he had brought his phone down with him so he could text Hide. However, the possibility of it breaking while the two sparred greatly deterred him plus the signal was pretty bad down here. The past two weeks he had been craving the others company. At times, he felt guilty but strangely content. Not to say he hadn’t felt at ease with Hide’s company before, but now it was different.

The two did not speak of it; perhaps both were scared to give air to the situation and found comfort in just doing. More and more time was spent in one another’s apartments in close proximity, finding comfort in shared warmth.

Kaneki reminisced on the night he spent at Hide’s. Even at an ungodly hour of the night he had replied to his texts of sleep deprivation. One thing led to another, and he found himself inside Hide’s place. He didn’t ask questions over his exhausted state. Instead, he had let Kaneki crawl onto his lap and bury his head into his shoulder. Distinctly, he could remember the cold night air evaporate as he absorbed Hide’s warmth and a comforting hand pet the back of his head.

However, the sensation he remembered the most was when his heart constricted and butterflies filled his stomach when he woke up. Hide looked down at him with the most adoring expression he had ever seen while greeting him with a good morning. If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he could still feel the way his hand cupped around his cheek.

“What’s with that dumb smile?” Touka broke him out of his thoughts.

“I was smiling?”

Her eyebrow rose at his retort, “Jeez, you’ve been a real air head lately. Especially around your friend.”

Kaneki could feel his throat tighten out of nervousness. Touka brought her leg up, resting her chin on her knee while her arms wrapped around. A sullen expression marked her features. “Hey Kaneki…”

“What is it?” He worriedly asked. It was rare to see her like this.

“Hide and you… You guys are close, right?” Kaneki gave her a nod in confirmation, “How long have you two been friends?”

“I’ve known him ever since I was a kid,” he answered slowly, not understanding what Touka was trying to get at.

“Did anything change when you became a ghoul?”

“I’m still half human…” He weakly replied before pretending to think over it. Of course it changed, but not in a negative way. Plus there is no way he could tell Touka he told Hide the truth. “I suppose it hasn’t?”

“If anything, his presence cements me to my human side. If he wasn’t there, I don’t know where I would have ended up.”

Through the nights of cannibalism his ghoul side takes over, weighing down heavily on his conscious. Many of the first nights, the screams and crunching haunted him, not allowing any sleep. However, spending time with Hide eased his nerves. The close contact comforted him in more ways than he could imagine. If he had left him in the dark, Kaneki figured he’d be keeping everything bottled up until he accepted the monster that threatened to overcome.

A heavy conscience still weighed over him, but he slowly adjusted to the change in lifestyle. When he looked around, he saw his friends who should escape the ghoul world, not delve further into it. Becoming stronger meant that he could protect the peaceful lives.

“Human side huh?” Touka repeated as she stared off into the distance in heavy thought.  
“Why do you ask?” He tested the waters, unsure if she would answer him.

“Hm?” she gave him a quizzical look, thinking over her answer. “Since you’re becoming better at fighting, I suppose I can tell you.”

“Recently, the 20th ward became more dangerous, meaning that I should be extra careful with what I do. It makes me wonder how long I can continue on being friends with Yoriko,” she gritted her teeth angrily, “If only the damned investigators could go back to their original wards and ghouls go back into their holes…”

Kaneki empathised with her. Yoriko and Touka were very close friends so he could only imagine how difficult it must be for her to pretend. In his case, he at least had 18 years of a human life giving him the knowledge he needed.

“If you want, I can help you out?” The reply was supposed to come out as a statement, but he feared Touka’s attitude would bite him instead.

“Huh?” She raised an eyebrow in disbelief, “And how would you even do that?”

“I mean, if there is anything I can help you with,” he answered nervously.

Touka gave him a hard stare as she thought over the situation. “Actually…”

That’s how he found himself in the middle of a crowded street with Hide attempting to stifle his giggles of amusement by his side and the two girls a few steps ahead. He gave Hide a sharp jab to the side with is elbow making him stop.

“So, where exactly are we going again?” Hide excitedly moved closer to the girls.

Yoriko gave him a shy smile, “There is a big festival where different types of cuisines from all around the world are going to be made plus all sorts of kitchen utensils on sale.”

Kaneki looked none too pleased as the three continued talking. When Touka had told him to accompany her for this he almost declined. Only his kindness pulled through the situation. Getting Hide to agree was ridiculously easy, he even made sure he could attend. At least he could give an honest opinion on the food so Touka could follow along.

“What?! You wanna become a chef?” Hide asked with sparkles in his eyes, “Touka you’re so lucky. I wish I had a pro make me food. Mine forgets the most basic of ingredients.”

Kaneki paled as Yoriko asked him what happened. Hide giggled with amusement before wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “This guy once put flour on food instead of powdered sugar, and ate it without blinking an eye. I was wondering how long it would take him to notice but he just kept on eating it!”

Yoriko gasped at Kaneki while Touka straight up laughed. Kaneki, on the other hand, glowered at him. The story was only half true; Hide ate it and immediately noticed the mistake.

“It’s not my fault you keep the flour and powdered sugar so close together,” he refuted with annoyance.

Hide let go and patted him on the back, “Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two from Yoriko!”

“I’d be happy to give my input from one chef to another!”

Kaneki nodded weakly, appreciating her help and enthusiasm, but unsure of how to proceed. Getting around not tasting would be difficult so he hoped there weren’t any sampling events. Over the few months he became a half ghoul, attempting to eat human food proved to be the greatest challenge. No matter how many times he stuffed an easy to eat sandwich he spat it back out. The grating texture of bread felt like sandpaper forcefully shoved down his throat only made easier to swallow by the slimy substances of mayonnaise oozing down his throat. Throwing it up was infinitely easier than shoving it down.

Luckily, when they arrived most of the stalls sold fresh foods or kitchen utensils. Barely any sampling stations which Hide easily covered for him however Touka’s fortitude and willingness to go so far for a friend astounded him. For the first time he witnessed what Uta meant by her being a hard worker. A small serene smile graced his lips as he watched the three of them banter.

“Find anything cool?” Hide appeared at his side with a big smile.

“I’m glad that Touka is having a good time,” he explained, “As for cooking nothing in particular caught my interest.”

Hide hummed in response, eyes tracking the two girls in front. “I didn’t expect Touka to have such a cute friend. It’s like the cuteness multiplies when they’re together.”

Kaneki nodded in agreement, though he was more happy over the fact how even as a ghoul Touka led a somewhat normal life. Seeing her like this, unafraid of investigators or other ghouls seemed right. He was going to protect this way of living.

“But, out of the two, you beat them by a longshot,” Hide proclaimed with a bashful smile nervously.

Kaneki’s eyebrows rose as he looked over at Hide, processing what he said. Quickly, a strong flush covered his cheeks. Words escaped his throat leaving him staring with a completely red face. Hide’s complexion soon mimicked his own.

“Jeez Kaneki!” Hide grabbed both of his shoulders and shook, “I can’t handle it if you don’t reply!”

“Sorry!” Kaneki replied as he was shaked. The world around him came back when a person accidently knocked against him. Without hesitation, he pressed his hands against Hide’s chest and pushed, moving out of the crowded way.

“Ah whatever,” Hide sighed as he ruffled his blond hair, “There is something I want to talk about.”

Kaneki took a deep breath, regaining his composure, “About what?”

“It’s about college,” the atmosphere took a serious shift as Hide continued in a hushed tone, “Some of the students suspecting of you being a ghoul.”

Blood immediately drained from his face, but he did not speak.

“And it’s from a flimsy reason too! All because you haven’t eaten at the cafeteria recently and they’ve been low on the ‘suspect’ count.” Hide explained in mild annoyance, “Between you and me, I don’t think any of them really believe that anyone in Kamii is a ghoul.”

The heavy panic constricting his chest lightened. He wasn’t caught. All he had to do was eat in the cafeteria with the right students around. Hide had known who they were so he could time it right, but the challenge of eating food hung over him.

Hide squeezed Kaneki’s shoulder in reassurance, thumb rubbing in a comforting manner, “You’ll be fine. I’m sure you can pull it off at least once.”

His hand drifted towards the side of his neck, moving the comforting rub onto a more intimate area. Kaneki wished the hand would travel further to cup his cheek, but the two were in public. Not even a few seconds later, Hide retracted the touch leaving him yearning.

“Come to my place after?” Kaneki asked, but the insisting undertone prevailed.

Hide immediately beamed, “Of course! Actually, since we are here, we should see if there is anything interesting we can make for dinner.”

“We probably should find Touka and Yoriko,” Kaneki commented, watching Hide swivel his head in search of the two girls.

“Gah! They’re completely gone!” Hide exclaimed loudly causing a few people to look over in their direction. “We need to go find them.”

Kaneki didn’t even have a moment to comment on how rowdy he was being for Hide had begun dragging him through the crowd. Different pictures of food hung all around as the two toughed through the crowd, causing him to think back on what Hide said. If all he had to do was eat in the cafeteria, he could munch on easy to eat snacks instead of something difficult like a sandwich. Perhaps forcing ghoul meat down his throat dulled the disgusting aspect of human food.

During their search, Hide’s phone rang. Immediately, he picked it up greeting with cheer however those were the only words he really spoke, the rest of the conversation was him nodding along with what the other person said.

Hide released a heavy sigh as he ended the call. “Work called me in.”

Kaneki’s shoulder sagged lightly at the news. Recently Hide acquired a new part time job that had him running around more than usual. When he questioned about it, he exclaimed it was a job where he fetched donuts and coffee for the employees. Kaneki frowned, why would he have to bail when the work was simple?

“Ah, c’mon don’t pull that face,” Hide roughly patted Kaneki’s back, “We can hang out some other time. I’ll help you find the girls before heading off”

“Yeah,” Kaneki replied weakly.

A few minutes later, the two managed to find Yoriko fawning over a stall selling shaved ice. Touka was nowhere in sight. Hide approached her with his usual jollines, Kaneki following in tow.

“Yo, Yoriko! Where’s Touka?”

She blinked in surprise before swiveling around, “Oh, there you two are! We were looking for you two before she ran off to the bathroom.”

“Haha is that so?” He turned his attention to the booth, “Sucks on her that she’s missing out on shaved ice.”

Yoriko smiled, “I think she’s eaten her fair share. Touka doesn’t exactly have the biggest stomach.”

Hide laughed at her little joke, “Sounds like her. Do you think she’ll be able to finish some dessert? I got called in for work and I don’t want to suddenly leave.”

“Ah, that’s okay! Really, you don’t have to,” She tried to deter him from the purchase, but Hide was having none of it.

“What kind of flavor do you want?” He asked, already giving the vendor three to prepare.

Yoriko stumbled about her words in a flustered manner before finally mumbling, “Strawberry.”

“Here, Kaneki,” Hide presented him one covered with a brown syrup.

Kaneki squinted his eye and scowled at the dessert in offense. Was Hide trying to purposely make him feel ill? He knew that he had to practice, but so soon…

“It’s coffee you dunce, your favorite flavor,” he waved the shaved ice in front of his face, “Can’t you smell the appetizing aroma?”

“Oh,” Kaneki replied dumbly, taking it. If it was coffee then he should have no problem with it. Yoriko stood with two different flavors in hand, strawberry and coffee.

“I gotta jet now,” Hide gave them a salute, “Take care of Kaneki for me Yoriko! He has a hobby of getting lost in crowds.”

Yoriko bounced from side to side as an impromptu wave, “It was nice meeting you, Hide!”

Kaneki, on the other hand, gave him a dull stare before biting down on his food. Surprisingly it was quite good.

“Waah, it’s so good,” Yoriko voiced his thoughts. A quiet pause fell between them before she spoke up once more, “Um, would it be okay if I asked a question, Kaneki?”

“Of course,” he replied earnestly, trying to relieve his awkwardness. Any sort of conversation would be nice to fill in the silence.

“How long have you and Hide known each other for?”

Kaneki swore he felt deja vu, “We’ve been friends since we were little. Hide came up and talked to me when I was by myself reading a book.”

“That sounds nice,” she said with a dreamy expression, “No wonder you two are so close.”

Kaneki chuckled lightly, “Why do you ask?”

She looked at the ground, unsure of herself, “Touka and I are going to be graduating soon, and I don’t want us to drift apart…”

“Seeing you two be so close gave me hope that our friendship will last, but,” she gave him a weak smile, “There’s always something in the back of my mind nagging me and saying that it won’t.”

Kaneki returned a reassuring smile, “Touka cares a lot about you. She’s tough on the outside, but I’m sure she’s worried about the same thing as you are.”

“You think so?” She asked with sparkles in her eyes, “It’s a relief hearing someone else say those words out loud instead of trying to convince myself.”

Before he could give more words of encouragement, Touka had made her way back towards them looking a little pale, but refreshed at the same time. Yoriko proudly displayed the dessert which she took shooting Kaneki a grim look. In return he took a big bite showing her that it wasn’t a big deal. The moment of realization crossing her face forced Kaneki to stifle his chuckles.

Innocent moments such as these replaced gruesome truths quite easily. Standing around in a fair gawking at different booths overrode devouring slimy flesh which tasted like uncooked fish sauted in oil. Picking out the most optimal pots, pans, and knives for certain recipes erased the painful feeling of wounds restitching themselves with rapid regeneration. Only the sun witnessed such light hearted moments, burning the terrors out of sight. The moon, however, witnessed grim and terrible truths.

It listened to every crunch of bone and tear of flesh. Every whimper. Every plea. All were silenced in the end. In darkness, he gave away to the ghoul within. With every swallow, a mysterious surge of strength coursed through his body, but he could not access the brimming power. There was only one answer: he needed to eat more.

Kaneki stared blankly at the full moon, mask loosely around his neck and blood dripped from his mouth. His hand stretched reaching for the moon causing a shadow to be cast upon his face. Behind, a half eaten ghoul corpse laid in slaughter.

“ _Where the light is brightest, the shadows are deepest_ ,” he recited to himself, clenching his fist.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. After a few moments, he finally fished it out to take a glance at the message, the bright light illuminating from the screen forced him to squint. A soft smile framed his face as he read the text, Hide had been wanting to make up for lost time and finally got some free time on his hands.

The happiness was short lived, for when he began to reply footsteps echoed loudly from outside. Looks like several investigators followed his bait. Quickly, he slipped his mask back on and threw a hood over his head. With precision he slipped into the dark corners of the abandoned building, watching whoever had entered.

Four ghoul investigators stormed the scene, the two younger ones were immediately repulsed by the sight. The older two quickly began to survey the area, talking amongst one another and whipping the other two into shape. Kaneki knew it would only be a matter of time until he was found, but still took his chances.

“Tch, looks like it’s the same bastard cannibal ghoul,” one said as he inspected the corpse, “Chest cavity completely missing along with other parts.”

“No signs here,” a young female investigator reported south of him.

“At this rate we will have a troublesome ghoul on our hands,” the one who inspected the body complained, “The faster we catch this prick the better.”

“At least he’s saving us the hassle of hunting some down,” the other older investigator chimed in as she inspected the battle scene, “Though I do agree with the displeasure of another possible S rated ghoul.”

Kaneki heard footsteps approaching his direction followed by a bright light shining across, hitting the wall. The friendly banter between investigators was silenced as the last investigator shined his flashlight directly on Kaneki, letting out a scream.

As gently as he could, Kaneki pushed the investigator against the wall, knocking away any items he held in his hands. With quick maneuvering, he broke the suitcase and made his terrible presence known.

“Quite the contrary, I don’t have any interest in fighting humans,” he stood confidently in front of the three, all four tentacles spread out behind him.

“T-The Cannibal,” the young female investigator stuttered in fear while the other two unleashed their Quinques.

Kaneki held up his hands defensively, in attempt to signify he had no interest in attacking them. “It’ll be easier for all of us if this didn’t head off into a fight.”

“As if we’d run away from a ghoul,” the older male investigator lashed, going in for the attack.

“I see,” Kaneki steeled himself, gathering an ominous aura, “Then I will make you see it my way.”

Fighting against investigators proved much different then ghouls. Fighting only to disarm and break the Quinque took a certain precision that wasn’t required against ghouls. His attacks needed control in order not to outright kill them. Through these four people he could deliver a message to the CCG.

Finally when all of their weapons had been completely destroyed and their bodies worn out from fighting he spoke. An odd sensation of pride coursed through him as he stood amongst their defeat. He never talked to slain victims before.

“Now that you have been put down,” his index finger raised to the front of his lips, “Listen to what I have to say. Report to your higher ups that I have no interest in these little disputes. Tell them to leave the 20th ward under my jurisdiction, I will be the one to cleanse it of all the rot.”

“What the hell are you spouting,” the older female investigator gritted through her teeth, fury shining brightly in her eyes, “Like hell we’d stoop so low!”

In response, he crashed one of his kagune against her back, forcing her to smash against the cold cement floor. “Do you understand how easy it would be for me to end your life?” The kagune pressed harder, crushing the woman, “If you get in my way I will not hold back,” he smiled behind his mask, “All I’m asking is for you to deliver a message.”

Quickly, he made his escape without listening to any of their replies. If they were smart, they’d deliver the message. Sadly, he could not be optimistic over the CCGs response, cooperating with a ghoul was unheard of. After fifteen minutes of his exhilarating run, he came to halt. Kaneki looked around, finding himself in the park where it all had begun.

He flopped fell to the ground, shaky knees unable to support him any longer. His hands shook and no matter how hard he tried he could not stop the rapid gesture. Kaneki curled himself into a ball, realising that his entire body shook. Whether it was out of adrenaline, fear, or worry he could not tell. The sounds of his heavy breathing clogged his ears and the dull sensation of nails digging into his skin could not distract him from his current state. Falling onto his side he screwed his eyes tightly shut and gritted his teeth grinding bone against bone, wishing for it all to stop.

A sharp gasp stung his lungs as a loud vibration erupted from his pocket. Numb fingers groped his pockets in search for a distraction. The bright light from his screen did not phase his wide eyes, however the words were difficult to read for how much they shook.

>Are you asleep already? How lame...

His eyes darted to the message he half finished on typing and immediately deleted it entirely. Kaneki felt selfish. Selfish for how he threw himself on Hide without an explanation, but he needed the stability, the comfort.

Quiet tremors persisted through his body as he lay on the cold hard ground, the conversation slowly soothing his nerves. When he finally found the energy, he made his way towards Hide’s apartment. Guilt loomed over him the entire way, but quickly evaporated when the door opened and a warm smile welcomed him inside.

“My god you look like you were hit by a tornado,” Hide joked as he led Kaneki inside, “All your clothes are torn and there’s dirt all over you.”

He began to rummage through a drawer, looking for spare clothes, “Go take a shower, you really look like you could use one. I don’t know how much of your clothes are even salvageable so wear mine in the meantime.”

Kaneki smiled warmly at Hide, but said nothing. He was ever grateful for his friend to the point where he knew he couldn’t explain it in words.

“Hey, don’t give me that look like you’re going to off yourself and you’re seeing me for the last time,” Hide’s warm hands smooshed Kaneki’s cheeks together, “Now hurry up and take a shower. My floor has a really bad relationship with dirt.”

Kaneki nodded and made his way to the bathroom. Before he closed the door, he whispered, “Thank you, Hide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuggg late chapter... Couldn't decide what chain of events I wanted to happen.


	6. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide enjoys his day.

Hide patiently waited for the shower to start running before rummaging through his belongings. He really wanted to trust Kaneki out there by himself, he truly did, but he couldn’t put his uneased mind at rest. When Kaneki came back looking like a pale ghost without even a breath of explanation, he couldn’t. After all his efforts, the other at least came to him for comfort, but his lips were still sealed. Kaneki had always been closed off emotionally so he expected this, but a small inkling of irritation still persisted. He wanted to help.

After a bit of searching, Hide found his misplaced tracker. The little device came in handy on multiple occasions, but he only had one. If anything, he was grateful he managed to get this one back from the ghoul at the park. Hide stuck the little device underneath Kaneki’s shoe, wedging it securely against the heel. If worst came to worst, he’d be able to find him. He fetched his phone and activated the device. Feeling a bit more confident, Hide fetched the hair dryer and comb before flopping onto his bed with a manga in hand and headphones blasting music.

Hide was halfway through when Kaneki finally stepped out, but he did not realize due to the loudness of his music. Kaneki smiled at him, walking away with his soaking clothes to dump them in the laundry.

Kaneki finally made his presence known by tapping the top of his headphones. Hide grinned at him, “Finally done?”

“Yeah, I also tossed my clothes into the laundry.”

“Really? They looked pretty beat up,” he said, sitting up properly.

“It’ll be fine. Where’s the hair dryer? I don’t want to drip all over the floor,” Kaneki asked looking around the room.

“Ah, it’s right here,” Hide pulled it up from his side and sat towards the edge of the bed, “Sit down in front of me, I can dry your hair.”

“Okay?” His reply came out as a question, but he still took a seat on the floor. “I’m old enough to do this by myself you know.”

Hide chuckled at the retort and switched the dryer on. The loudness of the device blocked out his murmur, “Yeah, but I want to do this. It’s different.”

Kaneki hummed and closed his eyes, enjoying the hot air accompanied by fingers gliding through his hair. He brought a leg up to his chest and wrapped his arm around it, finding the position comfortable. Not much was said between the two. Both were lost in their own separate thoughts. 

"Your hair has gotten long," Hide observed as he ran a hand through soft, warm black locks.

"Has it?" Kaneki lifted a strand from his bangs, studying how long it was.

"Yeah, it's poking into your eyes."

"I'll get it cut eventually," he blinked slowly as he sighed and drooped his shoulders before peeking up, “Yours is becoming more brown.”

“Is that so?” He asked with a quiet chuckle, running his hand through it. Hide didn’t realise exactly how much his stress was showing on his outward appearance, but if it was only him forgetting to re-dye his hair, he’ll live.

A heavy silence clung onto the room. Hide wanted to speak, wanted to know what had happened, but his voice eluded him. No matter how badly he wanted to show his concern the voice in his head told him it would make no difference. To his surprise, Kaneki slowly rotated his torso to face him. Kaneki’s shy eyes avoided his anxious gaze as he wrapped his arms around Hide’s mid section and buried his face into Hide’s stomach. After the mildly surprising act, Hide smiled and ran his fingers through his hair once more. A quiet moment of peace settled between the two with only the sounds of distant traffic filling the small room.

Chaos. A good word to describe how the bureau detectives acted when Hide came in the next afternoon. Papers littered multiple desks as assistants ran back and forth. Getting an answer for what was going on proved to be impossible until a few hours in when he was able to speak with Takizawa.

The young man rubbed the back of his neck in an exasperated manner. A few manilla envelopes laid in front of him all listed as classified. “Two separate cases merged together.”

“Merged?” Hide asked, eyeing the envelopes. He desperately wanted to peek inside and confirm his suspicions.

“Yeah, since there aren’t too many investigators stationed at the 20th ward, a lot of the work got pushed onto us to figure out any details that can be linked.”

“Do you think I could help?” Hide pointed a finger at himself as he asked in a cheery manner, hoping that the answer would be yes. 

Takizawa eyed Hide over, before sighing, “You know I’m not supposed to talk about this stuff, right?”

Hide chuckled at the exasperated answer. The tension in Takizawa’s shoulders was evident with the way he stiffly stretched.

However, instead of dismissing the subject, Takizawa smirked. “Do you know the cases of Eyepatch and that Cannibal ghoul?”

Hide nodded in a confused manner. 

“Turns out it’s the same guy, but get this, he told a few on field agents to leave and that he was going to run the ward instead,” he took one of the envelopes and angrily shook it. “But while delivering this message, he injured one of the investigators. It’s listed that two ribs broken when her body was crushed against the ground.”

“So now we’ve got a completely new premise to deal with. The CCG can’t exactly let a ghoul run around and make such proclamations.”

Hide nodded along the entire report, “CCG doesn’t want to listen to the demands because of how badly it’ll look on them right?”

“Exactly,” Takizawa flipped through a different folder. A small peak was all it took for Hide to see the artistic rendition of Kaneki’s mask. “Looks like this’ll be your first official case you help on. You must be something really special if the higher ups are allowing you to assist as a part timer.”

“Really!?” He slapped his hands down on the desk in excitement. Hide was about to launch into a small victory dance, but Takizawa’s next few words froze him.

“Huh? You came in contact with the ghoul before?”

“Where does it say that?” Genuine confusion seeped through his voice. A small bud of fear grew in the pit of his stomach.

“You were admitted to a hospital a few weeks ago, right?” Takizawa said, unclipping a photo attached to the paper. On it was a low resolution picture of Kaneki in front of the hospital door carrying a very wounded Hide. Subconsciously, his hand placed itself on the newly formed scar on his side.

“Oh, that. Yeah, I thought I was dead meat around that time, but Eyepatch intervened fate I suppose,” his voice quieted as he spoke, fear subsiding.

Takizawa hummed to himself as he clipped the picture back, “Maybe that’s why they thought it was okay for you to be on board with this. You had personal contact with it.”

Hide had to forcefully suppress the twitch of his eye. Having Kaneki be referred to as “it” was definitely not something he wanted to hear. Forcing the smile proved to be one of the most difficult tasks he ever experienced.

“Maybe my luck in running into him will strike again,” he joked, “Hopefully, next time, I won’t be speared with a Kagune.”

Takizawa chuckled, “That’s very doubtful. Your ranking is too low for any field work. You’ll be stuck pushing lovely piles of paper around.”

“Are there any papers that need to be pushed around now?” Hide asked, unable to contain his excitement. Soon enough, he had a neat stack of sealed packages needing to be delivered. His smile fell the minute he stepped into the hallway.

He knew exactly why the higher ups put him on the case. During the interview, he sold himself the best he could; he presented all of his hypothesis on Rabbit. Luckily, they had taken a liking to his intellect and offered the position only with a contract stating that when he quits or graduates his college studies he will employ himself under CCG.

Still, he thanked whatever god watched over him for placing Kaneki’s case on him. Finally, information he desperately needed will be available, but, at the same time, he prayed for Kaneki’s safety. Yoshimura will have qualms with this behavior. Cannibalizing and targeted actively by CCG potentially put a target on Anteiku.

“Well, we can sit down together and review the case,” Takizawa slid to make more room at the table, glancing over for Hide to pick up a chair. 

Hide could feel his heart thumping in his chest as he dutifully obeyed. Finally he would be able to know exactly what sort of information CCG had on Kaneki without taking risks. Hopefully, his jitters would be taken as excitement for the task. With some amount of care he set the chair next to Takizawa, and leaned on his elbows.

“First thing first, the reason for why he is such a priority: cannibalization. I don’t suppose you know what that means, but to put it lightly, he has the potential to be one of the greatest threats against CCG. Luckily, he hasn’t displayed any signs yet so that means he isn’t even a half.” Takizawa explained as he flipped through the files, “Though the amount of bodies with evidence we find of him around are becoming exceedingly common.”

Hide nodded along blankly, steeling himself at the numerous amounts of pictures of bodies torn and eaten. Takizawa barely blinked at such displays of violence, but instead commented on how barbaric ghouls were. His tone was disapproving and angry, as if the half ghoul had personally affronted him.

Morbidly, he thought about how he could simply turn Kaneki in and the case would be solved, but there was no way in hell he would do that. Not when his friend looked so lost and in pain. Hide tightly clenched his hand into a fist, he was going to figure something out. Takizawa pointed to certain locations on the map, none of them landed near Anteiku or Kaneki’s home, but one of them was the park. 

“How did you guys figure all this out?” He found himself speaking without meaning to.

“We’ve had eye witness accounts and people tailing him before losing sight of him,” Takizawa simply explained.

Hide continued to nod along for the rest of his lecture, asking appropriate questions when necessary, even if he knew the answers already. The basic explanation of the case lasted about an hour before Takizawa excused himself to a meeting. Dutifully, Hide went along with his other obligations to CCG in a robotic manner. A few people commented on his demeanor, but he quickly waved it off as not enough sleep. By the time his day ended, the sun had already set.

The cool gust of air kissed Hide’s cheeks as he stared at the dimming sky. When had everything become so complicated? Perhaps when he was approached by Yoshimura or when he had found it upon himself to see how much CCG knew. Suddenly a heavy weight found its way onto his shoulders. Tricking himself into believing everything was alright only lasted until he knew the details.

With stiff steps, he made way towards his bike. His now cold hands worked numbly against the lock, pulling on it when the combination released the latch. Arms crossed, Hide rested himself on the seat. He had planned on going back home and making himself dinner, but his current mood dampened his appetite. After pushing the pedals forward for a few minutes, he decided on going to Big Girl.

The warm atmosphere and cute greeting of the waitress raised his spirits a little, but the damp mood from before returned when his gaze shifted to the menu. Usually, he came here with Kaneki when they were celebrating. His eyes flicked to the hamburger steak and a small grin found its way onto his lips. Did Kaneki even remember what it tasted like? Warm, cooked meat couldn’t compare to slimy flesh.

Hide’s grip tightened on the menu, creating a small dent where his thumb was. The photos he had previously viewed flashed before his eyes. Placing the menu down, he fiercely rubbed his face, willing himself to not think of the horrific images. Sure he had seen one of the first victims before, but he was somehow able to detach himself from the violence. However, after seeing picture upon picture of similar gore distressed him. He pulled at his hair tightly in attempt to convince himself that everything was going to be alright.

His anguished thoughts were interrupted by the sweet voice of a waiter. Her delicate features showed clear worry over his disposition. Hastily, he planted his arms on the table and grinned at her. He was good at this, pretending that nothing bothered him. The girl smiled back at him willingly believing his act. Perhaps she had not wanted to delve further, or she truly believed it. Her job did not come with making sure the customer was emotionally sound after all. To distract himself from poisonous thoughts, he briskly put on his headphones and drowned himself in English lyrics.

When the meal came his cravings sprang back. The sudden appearance of his favorite hamburger fought away any dark thoughts that crawled around the edge of his mind. Greedily he swallowed every large bite of his hamburger and gulp of soda. His vigor waned the further he got through his meal. The endorphin rush he experienced dissipated the fuller he became. Hide stared down at the half devoured hamburger. The meat glistened from the overhead lights and the tomatoes and lettuce gave it the needful crunch and extra flavor. A few fries were strewn about his plate with trails of ketchup lightly following.

Hide’s shoulders hunched and tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. Kaneki probably didn’t even remember how normal food tasted. Immediately the overwhelming amount of his own selfmade responsibilities barreled down on him once more. He couldn’t give up here, no. Not when he had already gone so far. There was no turning back.

Steeling himself with new resolution, he gave his meal a few more bites and the drink a few more gulps before flagging down the waitress to pay. Quickly, he jogged towards his bike, taking in a deep breath of cold air before pedaling towards Anteiku. He needed to speak with Yoshimura.

However, when he arrived a at the corner of the block he spotted Kaneki’s figure leaving the shop. There was no harm in greeting his friend. Hell, he might even soothe his nerves before speaking with the manager.

“Yo Kaneki!” He greeted with the biggest grin he could muster as he dismounted, “Wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

Kaneki’s head whipped in bewilderment, eyes wide with either fear or shock. “Hide…”

A twinge of fear pinched at Hide’s heart as he walked briskly towards his companion, noting how Kaneki took a step back. “Surprised to see you here on your day off. And considering how late it is.”

Kaneki’s gaze avoided his at the comment. When he spoke, his voice sounded distant and oddly cold. “What are you doing here?”

Hide blinked, his heart raced with anxiety at the new behaviour. He parked his bike a little off to the side before coming up to him completely. “I’m stopping here to get a cup of coffee obviously. The part time job has been seriously slaving me away.”

“I see,” he replied simply as his eyes flitted across Hide’s face like he was looking for traces of a lie. He turned to look away. “The store is closed, you should head back home.”

“Kaneki wait,” Hide tightly grabbed a hold of Kaneki’s wrist, “Are you okay…?”

His head slowly adjusted to him, his eyes wavering towards the cement, a self decrepit smile danced along his lips, “I’m fine… I just need to leave for both of our sakes.”

Hide’s jaw clenched and his grip tightened even further. Normally he would have let Kaneki have his space, but not now. Not when he had pledged to get through whatever hurdle that stopped him.

“You can’t just leave,” he hissed out painfully as his face scrunched in pain, “I don’t want you to leave.”

A tender sigh came from Kaneki, but Hide couldn’t bear looking at him. “There is no other way, Hide. I have no choice.”

“Of course you have a choice,” Hide proclaimed, eyes locking with Kaneki’s. An angry bubble began to form at the pit of his stomach accompanied with a tight strain on his chest. “You always have a choice.”

Kaneki’s gentle fingers pressed against Hide’s, the ones that held his wrist. Carefully, he slipped them off his wrist one by one. “I’m a danger to you… I can’t let you get hurt because of me. Please understand.”

All the budding anger quickly vanished at how anguished his words sounded. Any sense of enmity Hide ever possessed dissipated. He desperately wished those feelings could prevail over the new soul crushing agony that replaced them. Now only the intense tightness of his chest remained.

“But, I’m not going to get hurt. You know this. I can lay low and stay away from all the danger.” Hide bit his tongue immediately. The way Kaneki’s eyes quickly glanced down at his side was all the words he needed as a rebuttal.

Kaneki’s hand found its place in his, giving a gentle squeeze. “It’s best if you didn’t involve yourself in that world.”

Hide gave him a struggling half grin, “You make it sound like a challenge,” he held onto Kaneki’s hand, “You know I’m not going to stop looking for you if you disappear.”

Even if he had seen every grisly devoured ghoul, it didn’t matter. Kaneki is his best friend and no matter how much he asked, he wasn’t going to let go easily. He’d have to fight him off with more than words, and even then he would not stop.

“I wish you would,” came the solemn reply.

Hide chuckled lowly with no attempt to stifle his empty laughs filled with mirth and sorrow. To his astonishment, Kaneki followed suit. Both of them knew what the situation would lead to in the end.

“This is it then,” Hide finally spoke, surprised at how reserved he sounded. A small glimpse of optimism etched itself into his spirit giving him the strength for a small smile, “For now at least.”

Kaneki managed to smile back, “Yeah.”

The two stared at one another for a few moments. Hide took in as much of his friend as he could; from the way his jaw curved to how his hair rested naturally. His eyes followed the bridge of his nose to finally his lips. Silently he pondered over whether he should lean in and kiss him. Would it be harder on him in the future when he is looking for his friend, or regret that he never took the chance?

His thoughts were immediately silenced when Kaneki took initiative. Hide didn’t notice when he leaned in, but the soft touch of lips against his own brought in a new tranquility. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around Kaneki’s shoulders, one hand cupped at the back of his head to bring him in closer. Tentative arms wrapped around Hide’s back, and he wished they would never let go. Not when he knew the other would leave once this was over.

A goodbye kiss. Not how he imagined the first kiss to play out. In his dreams, there were always bright orange and yellow lights all around, candies the size of cars, and clouds made of cotton candy. Kaneki would turn to him with the biggest smile on his face and Hide would pull him in for the biggest, sloppiest, and happiest kiss ever. Funny how reality worked out instead with the cold wind nipping at their sides and heavy forlorn emotions entwined within their beating hearts. He knew that his silly dream would never be a reality, but he wished it would have been closer to that than this.

“This is it,” he repeated once more, pressing his forehead against Kaneki’s, “Promise you won’t go dying on me, alright?”

Kaneki lightly chuckled in response, pulling away slowly. “As long as you don’t either.”

“It’s a deal then,” Hide grinned through the pain gripping at his heart. The cold air immediately stole the warmth he shared with Kaneki, dissolving it into nothingness. As long as one of them smiled, everything would be alright.

“Goodbye Hide,” Kaneki lowered his head, turning away.

“Goodbye Kaneki,” he replied, surprised his voice didn’t crack. Watching Kaneki leave was one of the hardest things he’s ever done. No matter how hard he willingly threw himself, he could see no other outcome, no matter how desperately he wished it so.

Hide placed a hand on the side which bore the scar. If only that ghoul hadn’t attacked him, maybe convincing Kaneki could have been plausible. No, he thought bitterly, if only that date with Rize had not happened. This entire predicament would have been avoided. Hide shook his head, dispersing the thoughts. What’s done was done. At least he had solace in knowing where Kaneki resided.

Even though his legs felt like they were made entirely of led, he still moved forward to his original objective: Anteiku. At first he wanted to clue in Yoshimura with CCG information, but now he wanted to know what on Earth transpired to make Kaneki leave abruptly.

The chime of the door signaled his entrance. Unsurprisingly, the shop was empty. Closing happened an hour ago and only the manager remained. He sat at the counter, drinking his plain black coffee without any reaction to Hide entering. The light illuminated him perfectly against the darkness of the store, creating a focus on his form. Hide stared at the man, contemplating on what to even say. His emotions finally numbed with acceptance; Kaneki had left, but what was he to do?

“Come sit,” Yoshimura finally said after a tentative silence. Hide complied after a moment of thought. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

Hide nodded, but did not watch the man stand up and walk around the counter. The silence between the two continued. No matter how hard he tried, he could not muster any questions or topics. Instead, he felt his eyes droop from exhaustion. The day had been long and unforgiving by now he just wished he could wake up from a particularly horrible dream.

“I had hoped your encouragement would have deterred him from this path,” Yoshimura admitted with a sigh as he placed the coffee in front of Hide and took a seat. “Sadly, not even that could stop him.”

The ceramic cup had no faults. No scratches, breaks, odd paint or bumps. Smooth all around. However, even such a clean thing can be broken. Hide took it by the handle and brought it to his lips. The hot liquid slid down his throat, his face pinched at the bitterness.

Yoshimura chuckled at his motion, “There is some sugar if you’d like.”

Hide shook his head, “It’s fine the way it is.”

The two sat in silence, drinking coffee at their own paces.

“I wish there was more I could have done,” Hide finally admitted.

“Sometimes, even our best is not enough. No matter how badly we want things to go our way, we have to live with what ends up being true,” Yoshimura spoke evenly. Somehow, Hide felt he spoke of his own experience.

“What caused him to just… walk away?”

“I told him that he could not work at Anteiku any longer,” Yoshimura admitted, not even flinching at Hide’s startled expression, “He’s becoming reckless with his actions and placing those he cares about in danger. What happens now is entirely up to him.”

Hide covered his eyes and let out a hollow laugh. “So he takes it upon himself to leave everyone behind.”

“Would you consider that selfish?”

“I…” Hide contemplated the question, “No, I suppose not. I can’t do much given the circumstances.”

Yoshimura hummed in acknowledgment, “It’s a shame events have transpired the way they have, but that does not mean you cannot do anything about it.”

Hide gave him a perplexed stare, finding no possible way he could assist Kaneki any further. The man only smiled back at him, “Some food for thought perhaps?”

Hide sighed and turned his gaze back to his half empty cup. Memories of Kaneki confessing to him of his ghoulish nature coursed through his head. How ironic that it started and ended with coffee in hand. This time, there were no shaking hands to soothe.

“Thank you for the coffee,” Hide said, fishing out money from his wallet and placed it on the table. “And I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liiive.


End file.
